I can totally relate to people who feel strange and different from everyone else.
I think you can too. Can't admit it?
You have never had times where you felt like you were the only person who felt a certain way about something? Like no one else who you were talking to could relate to it?
You never had a time in your life where what you wanted wasn't what everyone around you wanted? Whether it be out of you or whether it be something that a lot of people want (Like children? A certain career motive? College? Or a puppy? Or even chocolate? *Gasps*)?
Ever laughed at something that nobody else in the room thought was funny?
Or getting down to basics, there isn't some strange food combination that you really like, that nobody else would dare eat?
No?? Goodness, you are really boring......
I know I HAVE felt this way, and may I say I am a little proud of it?
No, I'm actually a LOT proud of it. And you should be too. That's the stuff that makes you interesting. The stuff that people don't expect.
There's nobody I love more than the so-called, "strange," ones. The ones who feel like they don't fit in.
The ones who, in actuality, aren't afraid to behave completely normal. The real normal. The one that is human, has emotions, and isn't afraid to express themselves instead of repress themselves to fit into a man-made category that our ancestors have been imposing on us for hundreds, if not thousands of years.
You see, normalcy is something that we often expect, but we never actually know. It's phony. It's not real. And the unhappiest people of all are those who try to be it--because they consistently fail--and/or--they constantly expect it out of other people, judging them, and generally living a miserable existence full of negativity and hypocrisy.
In my book...you can be happy...or you can be, "normal."
Go live your life!!!!! Parachute or something... Laugh your ass off at something no one else in the room will. You only live once. Live well. Don't put yourself in a box because you are afraid. You'll only trap yourself.
*Laughs*...Sigh...ohhh... "Normal."
It's so overrated.
Have fun :)
Showing posts with label closed-minded. Show all posts
Showing posts with label closed-minded. Show all posts
Monday, September 8, 2014
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Identification: Closed-Minded Vs. Open-Minded People
In my last entry, I talked about how we should open up to the open-minded and close-off our ideas from the closed-minded. But I never delved into who those people are, or how to identify them, and I think for many people, that can be extremely confusing.
If we can't identify who these people are, we have no way of knowing who to open up to, and if we don't know who to open up to, we could open up to the completely wrong person, only to feel like we just poured our heart out only to get crapped on :) Haha, not a good way to describe?
So here I'll elaborate on what I think an open-minded person is and what I think a closed-minded person is. I have found this to be pretty fool-proof in my life and I hope it helps you too.
Here are some examples, for the more visual learner, I suppose.
(This is a pretty generic, boring conversation in my opinion, one I hate to have and I don't feel is really worthwhile, but it gets the job done, and it's one lots of people have had over and over again. Pretty common conversation for people in their early 20s, so if you're older than that, you can look back and reflect!)
Case 1, Closed-Minded:
"Yes, I do think going out dancing is fun, I absolutely love meeting new people and dancing, it's such a release from every day life and it's great never knowing what is going to happen."
Person looks at you up and down. Then says, "Oh, that's nice. So you drink?"
Here they've bounced from listening to what you said about enjoying going out, to judging you by your appearance by looking at you up and down, which is kind of a red alert. They said, "Oh, that's nice," which means they don't really know how to respond to what you said, either because they don't relate to it or because they don't know how to respond to it at that moment, which is fine. So cautiously continue, don't give any more personal details until you have a more positive receipt...
"No, I don't, do you?"
"Yes, what is wrong with you, why don't you drink?"
The person pretty much ignored everything you said about the freedom and adventure of going out, and decided to motivate on the fact that you don't drink, in addition to judging you by your appearance. Sometimes there will be things that just throw people for a loop, but they're still totally intelligent, awesome people, even with a conversation like this. But if these type of judgmental responses are a trend with the person you are talking to, it is safe to say that they aren't worth your time, or at least are not worth sharing your opinions with. Responding constantly with an nonconstructive criticism or a judgment of what you said is a big red flag that you are wasting your time sharing opinions with them. They don't care about real values, they just want to pick out silly things from the conversation to criticize so they can boost their own egos. It's reflective that they have their own insecurities to solve and are either pretty naive, or not very intelligent. People worth your time are the ones who exchange values with you and respect your differences. They don't nit-pick and judge tiny things over and over again, which is sheer stupidity and a waste of time. Next!!
Case 1, Open-Minded:
"Yes, I do think going out dancing is fun, I absolutely love meeting new people and dancing, it's such a release from every day life and it's great never knowing what is going to happen."
"That sounds like it could be fun, I have never done that before. It's great to take a break from everyday life and allow yourself to have an awesome time. Do you drink when you go out?"
"No, I don't, do you?"
"Yes, but I respect that you don't, it's admirable!! I don't often, but sometimes it is fun."
Here, the person totally validated what you said about having fun, and when you told them you don't drink, they accepted that and didn't judge you for it. They are being open-minded because they're totally fine with what you said and are looking at the big picture. You still don't know each other that well, but so far so good!
I'm done writing cases because I didn't enjoy that :P I used, quite possibly, the most generic conversation in humanity's existence, and for that I apologize, but hopefully it makes it more user-friendly. Now that you have a couple of examples you can actually analyze, let's get to the good stuff.
People who are closed-minded are really just an assortment of negative things. They usually have a quality of believing they're always right about certain issues, and whatever point you make, no matter how good it is, goes in one ear and out the other. They do not address your points logically and soundly. They will continue telling you why they think they are right, over and over again, and don't bother to address why they think each point of yours is wrong.
If this sounds fun to exchange ideas with for you, you are an interesting person, but I think most people can agree that trying to talk to this is a bit like talking to a loudspeaker in a grocery store with no responder button. Your solid argument has absolutely no effect on their opinion whatsoever, and they don't bother to consider the points you have made. They don't want to address your points, they are on an ego-trip and they just want to be right. Things often can escalate with people like this if you do argue with them, because these people feel like you are, 'invading,' on their ego-trip and daring to defy their, 'perfect,' opinions. Often they are just looking for an argument and they do not have any true problem-solving skills. It's truly a waste of time to try with people like this. They absolutely will disappoint you because their consistent belief of their self-righteousness interferes with their ability to grow. So don't waste your time trying to share opinions or pour your heart out with someone who does this. Don't waste your time arguing with them fruitlessly. Walk away. You deserve better.
People who are open-minded can be all sorts of things. They are real people with flaws, but unlike the closed-minded, they acknowledge those flaws and address them. They may not like being wrong, but they are strong enough to face it when they are wrong, and they will consider your opinions and compare them with their own as logically as they are able to. They listen to your points, they listen when you open up to them, and they are okay with accepting your differences. They may argue, they may get a little worked up when you are debating with them, but in the end they know that regardless of your stance on an issue, they can still accept you.
We all get uncomfortable when we disagree with one another sometimes. But part of being mature is figuring out how to accept that someone else has a different view than you, has good points, and be okay with the fact that you believe two different things. I've especially found this to be true in my life in the topic of religion. Sometimes, after a conversation, it's nice to just stop discussing and move on to something else that you do agree on, unless you like to debate or are intrigued by what the person has to say. And you know what, sometimes people just don't relate to each other and can't be friends. That's understandable. But an open-minded person will always consider what your points are and rebut them as logically as they are able to. It is NOT an ego-trip. That is the biggest difference between a closed-minded person and an open-minded one. An open-minded person does NOT take your opinions as a personal attack (unless it's something bigoted of course, like racism, anti-gay people, etc. Then YOU are the closed-minded one for saying something like that.). And isn't exchanging values how you find the people you can be closest to in life? It is absolutely worth it to have these conversations.
So that's my two cents. :)
If we can't identify who these people are, we have no way of knowing who to open up to, and if we don't know who to open up to, we could open up to the completely wrong person, only to feel like we just poured our heart out only to get crapped on :) Haha, not a good way to describe?
So here I'll elaborate on what I think an open-minded person is and what I think a closed-minded person is. I have found this to be pretty fool-proof in my life and I hope it helps you too.
Here are some examples, for the more visual learner, I suppose.
(This is a pretty generic, boring conversation in my opinion, one I hate to have and I don't feel is really worthwhile, but it gets the job done, and it's one lots of people have had over and over again. Pretty common conversation for people in their early 20s, so if you're older than that, you can look back and reflect!)
Case 1, Closed-Minded:
"Yes, I do think going out dancing is fun, I absolutely love meeting new people and dancing, it's such a release from every day life and it's great never knowing what is going to happen."
Person looks at you up and down. Then says, "Oh, that's nice. So you drink?"
Here they've bounced from listening to what you said about enjoying going out, to judging you by your appearance by looking at you up and down, which is kind of a red alert. They said, "Oh, that's nice," which means they don't really know how to respond to what you said, either because they don't relate to it or because they don't know how to respond to it at that moment, which is fine. So cautiously continue, don't give any more personal details until you have a more positive receipt...
"No, I don't, do you?"
"Yes, what is wrong with you, why don't you drink?"
The person pretty much ignored everything you said about the freedom and adventure of going out, and decided to motivate on the fact that you don't drink, in addition to judging you by your appearance. Sometimes there will be things that just throw people for a loop, but they're still totally intelligent, awesome people, even with a conversation like this. But if these type of judgmental responses are a trend with the person you are talking to, it is safe to say that they aren't worth your time, or at least are not worth sharing your opinions with. Responding constantly with an nonconstructive criticism or a judgment of what you said is a big red flag that you are wasting your time sharing opinions with them. They don't care about real values, they just want to pick out silly things from the conversation to criticize so they can boost their own egos. It's reflective that they have their own insecurities to solve and are either pretty naive, or not very intelligent. People worth your time are the ones who exchange values with you and respect your differences. They don't nit-pick and judge tiny things over and over again, which is sheer stupidity and a waste of time. Next!!
Case 1, Open-Minded:
"Yes, I do think going out dancing is fun, I absolutely love meeting new people and dancing, it's such a release from every day life and it's great never knowing what is going to happen."
"That sounds like it could be fun, I have never done that before. It's great to take a break from everyday life and allow yourself to have an awesome time. Do you drink when you go out?"
"No, I don't, do you?"
"Yes, but I respect that you don't, it's admirable!! I don't often, but sometimes it is fun."
Here, the person totally validated what you said about having fun, and when you told them you don't drink, they accepted that and didn't judge you for it. They are being open-minded because they're totally fine with what you said and are looking at the big picture. You still don't know each other that well, but so far so good!
I'm done writing cases because I didn't enjoy that :P I used, quite possibly, the most generic conversation in humanity's existence, and for that I apologize, but hopefully it makes it more user-friendly. Now that you have a couple of examples you can actually analyze, let's get to the good stuff.
People who are closed-minded are really just an assortment of negative things. They usually have a quality of believing they're always right about certain issues, and whatever point you make, no matter how good it is, goes in one ear and out the other. They do not address your points logically and soundly. They will continue telling you why they think they are right, over and over again, and don't bother to address why they think each point of yours is wrong.
If this sounds fun to exchange ideas with for you, you are an interesting person, but I think most people can agree that trying to talk to this is a bit like talking to a loudspeaker in a grocery store with no responder button. Your solid argument has absolutely no effect on their opinion whatsoever, and they don't bother to consider the points you have made. They don't want to address your points, they are on an ego-trip and they just want to be right. Things often can escalate with people like this if you do argue with them, because these people feel like you are, 'invading,' on their ego-trip and daring to defy their, 'perfect,' opinions. Often they are just looking for an argument and they do not have any true problem-solving skills. It's truly a waste of time to try with people like this. They absolutely will disappoint you because their consistent belief of their self-righteousness interferes with their ability to grow. So don't waste your time trying to share opinions or pour your heart out with someone who does this. Don't waste your time arguing with them fruitlessly. Walk away. You deserve better.
People who are open-minded can be all sorts of things. They are real people with flaws, but unlike the closed-minded, they acknowledge those flaws and address them. They may not like being wrong, but they are strong enough to face it when they are wrong, and they will consider your opinions and compare them with their own as logically as they are able to. They listen to your points, they listen when you open up to them, and they are okay with accepting your differences. They may argue, they may get a little worked up when you are debating with them, but in the end they know that regardless of your stance on an issue, they can still accept you.
We all get uncomfortable when we disagree with one another sometimes. But part of being mature is figuring out how to accept that someone else has a different view than you, has good points, and be okay with the fact that you believe two different things. I've especially found this to be true in my life in the topic of religion. Sometimes, after a conversation, it's nice to just stop discussing and move on to something else that you do agree on, unless you like to debate or are intrigued by what the person has to say. And you know what, sometimes people just don't relate to each other and can't be friends. That's understandable. But an open-minded person will always consider what your points are and rebut them as logically as they are able to. It is NOT an ego-trip. That is the biggest difference between a closed-minded person and an open-minded one. An open-minded person does NOT take your opinions as a personal attack (unless it's something bigoted of course, like racism, anti-gay people, etc. Then YOU are the closed-minded one for saying something like that.). And isn't exchanging values how you find the people you can be closest to in life? It is absolutely worth it to have these conversations.
So that's my two cents. :)
The Balance of Belief Sharing, Holding Your Own, and Accepting Others
I haven't talked much about makeup in here and I'm not sure I am going to yet. I read about makeup and find out what the very best products are for me, what the best techniques are, and I use them...and then at that point, I'm done and don't really want to elaborate on it... I already worry I wasted my time as it was. Though I'd excitedly talk to someone in real life about what works for us or what we like, I really haven't had much interest in blogging about it. So we will see, but it may not happen. It's funny, I actually do get excited about those things, but I think to blog about it makes it feel as if it's something that I care a lot about, and honestly, it's not the thing I care the most about. I am a little fascinated as to how those beauty bloggers balance spending so much time on makeup, and then are still able to motivate on what's really important in life. I suppose because it's enjoyable and makes them money. Something I should try. Maybe I should make two separate blogs.
I am feeling a bit shellish today. I know that I am a progressive person, but yesterday I posted something on a social media site that I had complete confidence in, only to wake up at 5:40 am and take it down. It made me realize that I have a lot of learning to do. I still have confidence in the post and would gladly keep it up if I weren't so stirred up by the idea of people might get the wrong impression of me from it. Something I rarely ever worry about, but this was a new level for me. Oh well. And I'm glad those who saw it, saw it. But it's down now, and that knot in my chest is gone, and I can go about my day without worrying about it. C'est la vie. I learned I'm still conquering some shyness and that I'm not the bravest person in the world. I'll keep trying. And it's just a dumb social media website.
If you're wondering what I posted... well, I'm not sharing that here, but it's not a big deal at all. Secrecy tends to make things seem like a bigger deal than they are. The nature of humanity, take something away and we want to know more about it. Well, that doesn't mean that it is actually that important or relevant, though it was obviously interesting. I think it'd be really stupid to make it a big deal, and that's exactly why I posted it on the social media site. That's why I post everything I do on there. I don't expect that same maturity level from other humans though-- I guess I need to weigh that in more often than I have been. Sometimes, that's impossible though because I enjoy teaching people, when I feel they're open-minded enough, rather than to silently tolerate ignorance. I guess I just need to balance out, okay, is debating this going to cause me a lot of stomach aches? I'm human and I'm young, and I'm still not strong about everything. Sometimes it is just nice to be quiet and listen to others and enjoy peace, whilst still holding your own, of course...I totally get that. And many people I meet in real life aren't worth discussing these things with. It's just nice to listen and enjoy the world around you, often, and the person around you, who may not be so open-minded but is at least different from you and can teach you something new, as I've said before.
I think what causes me the most pain is the worry that people think I am trying to start arguments when in reality I'm trying to have pleasant, depthful conversations where everyone, myself included, learns and grows. I don't care whether it's on a dumb social media website, why waste my time being somewhere where I interact with other humans whom I care about, if I can't be real? I don't believe in ass-kissing just because I am on the internet. I keep it real because life is short. Really short. I feel like the time is flying by. To be cautious and silent about what one is passionate about is to repress who you are. I refuse to do that. (Most of the time anyway. Read on...)
Forenote: In the work place, obviously I won't be having depthful conversations or talking about anything controversial, unless it's some sort of Opinion column in a paper, or writing novels, or something along those lines (not out of the question). But I'll be getting paid for that.
I guess what I am trying to say here, is that there is a balance I hold when it comes to sharing my beliefs. I choose the right times, I choose the right people, people who are open-minded and interested, and I do it when and where I feel comfortable with it. In an instance where I choose to share, I don't back down just because someone disagrees with me, but I always try to be pleasant about it. I think we all should do this. Don't submit to something, just listen with an open mind and then share your belief, no matter how different it is. If the person is closed-minded, don't waste your time sharing your opinion with them, because they won't have anything beneficial to share into the conversation. It doesn't mean that you like what they say. Maybe your opinions are too different for it to be worth debating because things will get firey. Or sometimes, it's okay to just smile at someone and change the subject because frankly, they're just (hopefully momentarily) being an idiot. I think certain people are only capable of so many different thought processes. We just have to accept that some are not going to have mature conversations right now, or even ever in their lives. We can't expect the standards we hold of ourselves from the people around us. I think this is a monumental flaw that most of us carry, to an extent. We are all so different, have different intelligence levels, and so why should our expectations of how a person should be, which really somewhat matches our capabilities (let's be honest), interfere with how nice of a time we have with them? Sometimes people really can't help how they are and we just have to accept that.
However, that does not mean you have to hang out with someone you don't enjoy being around. It just means you can be pleasant around them and try to make them feel good, and still totally disagree with their values. You don't say, "I agree," when you don't agree. Change the subject. Go around it. Hold your own if they confront you, in a kind manner. Why shame or belittle someone because they can't measure up to what you want in a person? That's not right. Let's spread the happiness and the love!! And then move on and go talk to who you actually want to talk to.
Just my thoughts on that, I am really tired and feel like this whole entry is so sub-par. I may edit it later and I'll write that I have edited this entry here, at the bottom of it, if I do.
Edited at 12:50PM, 8/23/14.
I am feeling a bit shellish today. I know that I am a progressive person, but yesterday I posted something on a social media site that I had complete confidence in, only to wake up at 5:40 am and take it down. It made me realize that I have a lot of learning to do. I still have confidence in the post and would gladly keep it up if I weren't so stirred up by the idea of people might get the wrong impression of me from it. Something I rarely ever worry about, but this was a new level for me. Oh well. And I'm glad those who saw it, saw it. But it's down now, and that knot in my chest is gone, and I can go about my day without worrying about it. C'est la vie. I learned I'm still conquering some shyness and that I'm not the bravest person in the world. I'll keep trying. And it's just a dumb social media website.
If you're wondering what I posted... well, I'm not sharing that here, but it's not a big deal at all. Secrecy tends to make things seem like a bigger deal than they are. The nature of humanity, take something away and we want to know more about it. Well, that doesn't mean that it is actually that important or relevant, though it was obviously interesting. I think it'd be really stupid to make it a big deal, and that's exactly why I posted it on the social media site. That's why I post everything I do on there. I don't expect that same maturity level from other humans though-- I guess I need to weigh that in more often than I have been. Sometimes, that's impossible though because I enjoy teaching people, when I feel they're open-minded enough, rather than to silently tolerate ignorance. I guess I just need to balance out, okay, is debating this going to cause me a lot of stomach aches? I'm human and I'm young, and I'm still not strong about everything. Sometimes it is just nice to be quiet and listen to others and enjoy peace, whilst still holding your own, of course...I totally get that. And many people I meet in real life aren't worth discussing these things with. It's just nice to listen and enjoy the world around you, often, and the person around you, who may not be so open-minded but is at least different from you and can teach you something new, as I've said before.
I think what causes me the most pain is the worry that people think I am trying to start arguments when in reality I'm trying to have pleasant, depthful conversations where everyone, myself included, learns and grows. I don't care whether it's on a dumb social media website, why waste my time being somewhere where I interact with other humans whom I care about, if I can't be real? I don't believe in ass-kissing just because I am on the internet. I keep it real because life is short. Really short. I feel like the time is flying by. To be cautious and silent about what one is passionate about is to repress who you are. I refuse to do that. (Most of the time anyway. Read on...)
Forenote: In the work place, obviously I won't be having depthful conversations or talking about anything controversial, unless it's some sort of Opinion column in a paper, or writing novels, or something along those lines (not out of the question). But I'll be getting paid for that.
I guess what I am trying to say here, is that there is a balance I hold when it comes to sharing my beliefs. I choose the right times, I choose the right people, people who are open-minded and interested, and I do it when and where I feel comfortable with it. In an instance where I choose to share, I don't back down just because someone disagrees with me, but I always try to be pleasant about it. I think we all should do this. Don't submit to something, just listen with an open mind and then share your belief, no matter how different it is. If the person is closed-minded, don't waste your time sharing your opinion with them, because they won't have anything beneficial to share into the conversation. It doesn't mean that you like what they say. Maybe your opinions are too different for it to be worth debating because things will get firey. Or sometimes, it's okay to just smile at someone and change the subject because frankly, they're just (hopefully momentarily) being an idiot. I think certain people are only capable of so many different thought processes. We just have to accept that some are not going to have mature conversations right now, or even ever in their lives. We can't expect the standards we hold of ourselves from the people around us. I think this is a monumental flaw that most of us carry, to an extent. We are all so different, have different intelligence levels, and so why should our expectations of how a person should be, which really somewhat matches our capabilities (let's be honest), interfere with how nice of a time we have with them? Sometimes people really can't help how they are and we just have to accept that.
However, that does not mean you have to hang out with someone you don't enjoy being around. It just means you can be pleasant around them and try to make them feel good, and still totally disagree with their values. You don't say, "I agree," when you don't agree. Change the subject. Go around it. Hold your own if they confront you, in a kind manner. Why shame or belittle someone because they can't measure up to what you want in a person? That's not right. Let's spread the happiness and the love!! And then move on and go talk to who you actually want to talk to.
Just my thoughts on that, I am really tired and feel like this whole entry is so sub-par. I may edit it later and I'll write that I have edited this entry here, at the bottom of it, if I do.
Edited at 12:50PM, 8/23/14.
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