In my last entry, I talked about how we should open up to the open-minded and close-off our ideas from the closed-minded. But I never delved into who those people are, or how to identify them, and I think for many people, that can be extremely confusing.
If we can't identify who these people are, we have no way of knowing who to open up to, and if we don't know who to open up to, we could open up to the completely wrong person, only to feel like we just poured our heart out only to get crapped on :) Haha, not a good way to describe?
So here I'll elaborate on what I think an open-minded person is and what I think a closed-minded person is. I have found this to be pretty fool-proof in my life and I hope it helps you too.
Here are some examples, for the more visual learner, I suppose.
(This is a pretty generic, boring conversation in my opinion, one I hate to have and I don't feel is really worthwhile, but it gets the job done, and it's one lots of people have had over and over again. Pretty common conversation for people in their early 20s, so if you're older than that, you can look back and reflect!)
Case 1, Closed-Minded:
"Yes, I do think going out dancing is fun, I absolutely love meeting new people and dancing, it's such a release from every day life and it's great never knowing what is going to happen."
Person looks at you up and down. Then says, "Oh, that's nice. So you drink?"
Here they've bounced from listening to what you said about enjoying going out, to judging you by your appearance by looking at you up and down, which is kind of a red alert. They said, "Oh, that's nice," which means they don't really know how to respond to what you said, either because they don't relate to it or because they don't know how to respond to it at that moment, which is fine. So cautiously continue, don't give any more personal details until you have a more positive receipt...
"No, I don't, do you?"
"Yes, what is wrong with you, why don't you drink?"
The person pretty much ignored everything you said about the freedom and adventure of going out, and decided to motivate on the fact that you don't drink, in addition to judging you by your appearance. Sometimes there will be things that just throw people for a loop, but they're still totally intelligent, awesome people, even with a conversation like this. But if these type of judgmental responses are a trend with the person you are talking to, it is safe to say that they aren't worth your time, or at least are not worth sharing your opinions with. Responding constantly with an nonconstructive criticism or a judgment of what you said is a big red flag that you are wasting your time sharing opinions with them. They don't care about real values, they just want to pick out silly things from the conversation to criticize so they can boost their own egos. It's reflective that they have their own insecurities to solve and are either pretty naive, or not very intelligent. People worth your time are the ones who exchange values with you and respect your differences. They don't nit-pick and judge tiny things over and over again, which is sheer stupidity and a waste of time. Next!!
Case 1, Open-Minded:
"Yes, I do think going out dancing is fun, I absolutely love meeting
new people and dancing, it's such a release from every day life and it's
great never knowing what is going to happen."
"That sounds like it could be fun, I have never done that before. It's great to take a break from everyday life and allow yourself to have an awesome time. Do you drink when you go out?"
"No, I don't, do you?"
"Yes, but I respect that you don't, it's admirable!! I don't often, but sometimes it is fun."
Here, the person totally validated what you said about having fun, and when you told them you don't drink, they accepted that and didn't judge you for it. They are being open-minded because they're totally fine with what you said and are looking at the big picture. You still don't know each other that well, but so far so good!
I'm done writing cases because I didn't enjoy that :P I used, quite possibly, the most generic conversation in humanity's existence, and for that I apologize, but hopefully it makes it more user-friendly. Now that you have a couple of examples you can actually analyze, let's get to the good stuff.
People who are closed-minded are really just an assortment of negative things. They usually have a quality of believing they're always right about certain issues, and whatever point you make, no matter how good it is, goes in one ear and out the other. They do not address your points logically and soundly. They will continue telling you why they think they are right, over and over again, and don't bother to address why they think each point of yours is wrong.
If this sounds fun to exchange ideas with for you, you are an interesting person, but I think most people can agree that trying to talk to this is a bit like talking to a loudspeaker in a grocery store with no responder button. Your solid argument has absolutely no effect on their opinion whatsoever, and they don't bother to consider the points you have made. They don't want to address your points, they are on an ego-trip and they just want to be right. Things often can escalate with people like this if you do argue with them, because these people feel like you are, 'invading,' on their ego-trip and daring to defy their, 'perfect,' opinions. Often they are just looking for an argument and they do not have any true problem-solving skills. It's truly a waste of time to try with people like this. They absolutely will disappoint you because their consistent belief of their self-righteousness interferes with their ability to grow. So don't waste your time trying to share opinions or pour your heart out with someone who does this. Don't waste your time arguing with them fruitlessly. Walk away. You deserve better.
People who are open-minded can be all sorts of things. They are real people with flaws, but unlike the closed-minded, they acknowledge those flaws and address them. They may not like being wrong, but they are strong enough to face it when they are wrong, and they will consider your opinions and compare them with their own as logically as they are able to. They listen to your points, they listen when you open up to them, and they are okay with accepting your differences. They may argue, they may get a little worked up when you are debating with them, but in the end they know that regardless of your stance on an issue, they can still accept you.
We all get uncomfortable when we disagree with one another sometimes. But part of being mature is figuring out how to accept that someone else has a different view than you, has good points, and be okay with the fact that you believe two different things. I've especially found this to be true in my life in the topic of religion. Sometimes, after a conversation, it's nice to just stop discussing and move on to something else that you do agree on, unless you like to debate or are intrigued by what the person has to say. And you know what, sometimes people just don't relate to each other and can't be friends. That's understandable. But an open-minded person will always consider what your points are and rebut them as logically as they are able to. It is NOT an ego-trip. That is the biggest difference between a closed-minded person and an open-minded one. An open-minded person does NOT take your opinions as a personal attack (unless it's something bigoted of course, like racism, anti-gay people, etc. Then YOU are the closed-minded one for saying something like that.). And isn't exchanging values how you find the people you can be closest to in life? It is absolutely worth it to have these conversations.
So that's my two cents. :)
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