Never Be Complacent Because You Are Afraid

Hi :)

I know I need to get back on here and write another blog when my facebook posts start getting longer and longer...The proof is in the pudding, I guess I have been feeling inspired lately.

So usually, when I DO write on here, I come with a rampant mission of topics to discuss, but today I'm just going to go with the flow.  I know I have a whole lot of things I could talk about, we'll see where my brain takes me.


Usually what starts me is things I am learning in my own life, so we'll start there.  What is the biggest thing I am learning lately?

I am not going to get a damn thing in my life/job unless I not only ask for it, but demand it, remind the people I'm asking, keep showing how great I am at whatever I'm doing, and don't back down.  The things I want are NOT going to be handed to me.  They are going to be given to the person who is demanding harder than I am.

There isn't going to be a change in my life unless I make it.  Life ain't no Cinderella story.  If I want something different, I have to earn it.  It's very annoying, but I'm pretty sure it's like this for most people.

There's always going to be more people who disagree with me or just don't understand me than people who are going to be on my side.  But that doesn't mean I'm wrong.  In fact most of the time, when I do have a conversation with people, they're either very impressed with what I have to say, or they're belligerent and their counterpoints, are so stupid that they only encourage me.  And sometimes, I am just plain wrong.  But being wrong about a couple things doesn't make you wrong about everything.  I think people are afraid to speak out because they are afraid of being wrong.  I love being wrong because it teaches me new things--I want to get my words as far out as possible because often, I am very wise and I think I can help people--and when I am wrong, I'm helping myself by learning.  I don't claim to know it all by speaking out about things that I have a solid logical argument behind.  I do claim to be proud of my own opinions, and I think that's important as long as you are using logic and self-improvement as your motivation, and not selfish reasons.

My life is just always going to be hard.  It's never been easy, it never will be easy.  All I can do now is laugh and realize that it is what I make of it.  I can act like everything's so horrible or really, I can appreciate the blessings I do have.  And sometimes, I can flamboyantly express the 'suckery' of it all, because every one of us is entitled to do that a few times a week.  But, at the same point, I'm not going to make a big deal out of small things by letting them take over my life.  Self-expression and depression are two different things.  Leading me to my next point--

People will always make a big deal out of little things.  Often, as a consequence, this blurs what the actual truth is for people who are just listening in on a conversation, and can cause the weak-minded to see things unclearly, which is why you must always try to listen to things objectively and form your own conclusions.  For instance, when I listen to someone vent about the behavior of someone else.  I can objectively watch this and, while, maybe I don't approve of the behavior of the person who is the subject of the discussion, in the same token, often this would never bother me enough to say anything about it.  To me it's like, you're behaving poorly and you need to improve--but unless you are TRULY hurting others, it's really not something for other people to get all fussy about.  And at my work, watching people get upset because things were left in places where they don't go--that's just hilarious.  It's amazing how things that don't matter can get blown out of proportion by the right people.  Or even when I'm bothered by something.  I've literally had to vocalize--"Hey--it bothers me, but it's not a big deal," because the person I was telling this to was acting like it was horrible that something small and trivial was bothering me (it was loud yelling at a football game, fyi).  When I told this person, who I love dearly that, they were simply like, "Oh," with an -oops- look on their face.  I just plugged my ears, grimaced, and moved on with my life.  Lol.

The title of my book will be, "Dear People, I May Be Annoyed But My Life Didn't End Because Someone Put Eggs In My Frittata."
Life is what it is and you get what you get, you're annoyed by what you're annoyed by, you don't like what you don't like, you go through what you go through and it's NOT a big deal.  Unless you make it that.

When I read over this, it's clear that the main focus of my life is not anything we're taught to focus on--it's self-improvement and the pure happiness that comes with that.  Push others and push yourself ONLY where it counts, and don't cause yourself anxiety by worrying about things that don't matter.  Speak your mind, learn, and you may be surprised by how right you are and how wrong other people are.  And if you are wrong, you may be surprised by how much you've learned and how glad you are for saying the wrong thing--because without doing that, you would never have been taught something new.  Live your life, say what you need to say.  Go where you need to go.  Never be complacent because you are afraid.

You Could Analyze Something To Death

September 8th??  September 8th was REALLY the last time I blogged?!  So it's been 3 weeks.  Time really, really flies guys.  It doesn't matter what I am doing.  I just feel like I'm going to be 100 tomorrow.  I thought I'd blogged last a week ago!!  Are you the same?  I remember, as a kid, time used to feel like waiting for a turtle to lick up a puddle of molasses... Now I savor every moment because I feel they are disappearing like tiny grains of surface sand on a windy day.  And maybe that's the point of this blog in a way... to focus on what's big to you, because the little disappears.

Was doing some research for my other blog, and was inspired by gradients.  When one color fades into a different color, so seamlessly it almost looks like the two could be one uniform shade.  And they could, if you backed away far enough.
I wanted to compare how an artist's gradient looked from farther away to how it looked very close up, and when I saw the close-up, it occurred to me I could see the lines of blending.  It did not look seamless.  But then it occurred to me, if I could fix the imperfections and unblended lines at the close-up, and was able to get an even larger close-up of the corrected close-up, you would still see more lines of blending.  No matter how much you, "fix," something, the closer you get to it, the more imperfections you will see, down to the microscopic level.  Until you can get to the tiniest point of existence, perfection does not exist.

So, you could spend a life-time trying your darndest to get the most, "perfect," thing, look the most, "perfect," way...Please notice, I often quote (or sometimes first-letter-capitalize) the words I don't stand by.
And when you had that perfect mesh of what you believe you're supposed to have, that gradient that may as well be one object, what have you?

Well, you have something that looks very nice.

Whether it holds moral value to you is another subject entirely.

Everything you work for, everything you do, none of it truly matters--unless it has moral value to you.  Everything aside from love and happiness are just extras in your life.  And when we keep trying to fix small things, we often are, point-blank, wasting our time.  We, for some reason, are very good at blowing tiny interactions, tiny choices, tiny situations, completely out of proportion.  And because we are giving that petty list of things meaning, whatever the list and whatever the meanings are, we focus on them and forget about what will truly fulfill us.

So when I say, "You Could Analyze Something To Death," in the blog-title, I mean it heartily.  You could analyze all the tiny things that you feel need tweaked until finally, you have no more time left.  In the end, will you appreciate the product of your work more than the experiences that it took to get you to that finished product?

Whether you are at a company balancing moral and sales, or at home balancing your life, this applies to you.  People in your life will always tell you at certain points in the path, that something needs to be tweaked.  You have to make the changes on it that are worthwhile to you.  What will you be proud of more?  How something looks, or the love and happiness you gave to get yourself there?



PS: This blog is my darling.  I love writing in here, and I don't plan to stop making posts.  I'll write in here at least once a month, if not more.  Also, please feel free to ask me questions and give suggestions for topics you'd like me to discuss. :)

You're Not Normal, Thank God, So Quit Trying To Act Like It

I can totally relate to people who feel strange and different from everyone else.

I think you can too.  Can't admit it?

You have never had times where you felt like you were the only person who felt a certain way about something?  Like no one else who you were talking to could relate to it?

You never had a time in your life where what you wanted wasn't what everyone around you wanted?  Whether it be out of you or whether it be something that a lot of people want (Like children?  A certain career motive?  College?  Or a puppy?  Or even chocolate?  *Gasps*)?

Ever laughed at something that nobody else in the room thought was funny?

Or getting down to basics, there isn't some strange food combination that you really like, that nobody else would dare eat?

No??  Goodness, you are really boring......


I know I HAVE felt this way, and may I say I am a little proud of it?

No, I'm actually a LOT proud of it.  And you should be too.  That's the stuff that makes you interesting.  The stuff that people don't expect.

There's nobody I love more than the so-called, "strange," ones.  The ones who feel like they don't fit in.

The ones who, in actuality, aren't afraid to behave completely normal.  The real normal.  The one that is human, has emotions, and isn't afraid to express themselves instead of repress themselves to fit into a man-made category that our ancestors have been imposing on us for hundreds, if not thousands of years.

You see, normalcy is something that we often expect, but we never actually know.  It's phony.  It's not real.  And the unhappiest people of all are those who try to be it--because they consistently fail--and/or--they constantly expect it out of other people, judging them, and generally living a miserable existence full of negativity and hypocrisy.


In my book...you can be happy...or you can be, "normal."

Go live your life!!!!!  Parachute or something... Laugh your ass off at something no one else in the room will.  You only live once.  Live well.  Don't put yourself in a box because you are afraid.  You'll only trap yourself.

*Laughs*...Sigh...ohhh... "Normal."
It's so overrated.

Have fun :)

It's Okay To Ride Up To A Dead End...

There might be a beautiful sunset there.

Or there may not be.  It's still perfectly okay.

I like to go on bike rides in the evening sometimes when the sun is setting.  I'll ride as far away as I can from the sun, maybe 20-40 minutes before the sun sets, and then, when I see it start to set, as fast as I can, I ride my bike to the closest view possible of the sunset.  It's my time to look at everything around me, feel everything around me, and take nothing for granted.  It's also exhilarating!

Today when I was doing this, I noticed something about myself.  I got nervous every time I got close to a dead end.  Worried, that because I didn't know if there would be another road around the corner, that people might laugh at my bad directional skills.

How silly this is, yet I've clearly been trained to do this.  We all do this at points in our lives.  We don't want to be seen doing something that might look foolish, when actually, what we should feel foolish about--is the fact that we feel foolish to begin with about whatever we are doing.  Would you feel foolish doing it if you were on your own and no one else knew about it?  There comes a point where you have to realize that it doesn't MATTER what people think.  Do what makes you happy.  So many of us choose to go the safe route.  The one where we know people will not judge us.  This is often at the sacrifice of our own happiness.  Why miss out on the things that we enjoy simply because other people, usually ignorant of our intentions and quick to judge, waste their time making uninformed conclusions about us (instead of focusing on what is actually important in life--even more of a reason to not care about what those people think).  As long as we aren't harming others, it really doesn't matter one flip what others have to say about what we are doing.

The most adventurous path, the path that is right for you, is not always on the road where people travel.  You might end up in a valley staring at the sky for a while.  Or you might end up lost, or working really hard to find yourself in a better place.  Or you may take a wrong turn at a dead end.  But the last thing you should be doing is worrying what others think about it.  Make the life choices, and the little choices, that are going to make you the most happy.  You cannot base these off of what other people think of you without sacrificing some happiness along the way.  The biggest regrets are lost chances.  Do you truly regret that you chose not to achieve something you did not want to do just because other people wanted you to?  Priorities need to be rearranged... YOUR life is about YOUR happiness.  Not others.  Things you could have done to improve your life--for YOU--that you missed out on, should be your only regrets, if any.  So go for it!!

(Of course, please try to be conscious and help animals, the world, and humanity while you are at it.  Little choices count.)

The Balance of Belief Sharing, Holding Your Own, and Accepting Others

I haven't talked much about makeup in here and I'm not sure I am going to yet.  I read about makeup and find out what the very best products are for me, what the best techniques are, and I use them...and then at that point, I'm done and don't really want to elaborate on it... I already worry I wasted my time as it was.  Though I'd excitedly talk to someone in real life about what works for us or what we like, I really haven't had much interest in blogging about it.  So we will see, but it may not happen.  It's funny, I actually do get excited about those things, but I think to blog about it makes it feel as if it's something that I care a lot about, and honestly, it's not the thing I care the most about.  I am a little fascinated as to how those beauty bloggers balance spending so much time on makeup, and then are still able to motivate on what's really important in life.  I suppose because it's enjoyable and makes them money.  Something I should try.  Maybe I should make two separate blogs.


I am feeling a bit shellish today.  I know that I am a progressive person, but yesterday I posted something on a social media site that I had complete confidence in, only to wake up at 5:40 am and take it down.  It made me realize that I have a lot of learning to do.  I still have confidence in the post and would gladly keep it up if I weren't so stirred up by the idea of people might get the wrong impression of me from it.  Something I rarely ever worry about, but this was a new level for me.  Oh well.  And I'm glad those who saw it, saw it.  But it's down now, and that knot in my chest is gone, and I can go about my day without worrying about it.  C'est la vie.  I learned I'm still conquering some shyness and that I'm not the bravest person in the world.  I'll keep trying.  And it's just a dumb social media website.
If you're wondering what I posted... well, I'm not sharing that here, but it's not a big deal at all.  Secrecy tends to make things seem like a bigger deal than they are.  The nature of humanity, take something away and we want to know more about it.  Well, that doesn't mean that it is actually that important or relevant, though it was obviously interesting.  I think it'd be really stupid to make it a big deal, and that's exactly why I posted it on the social media site.  That's why I post everything I do on there.  I don't expect that same maturity level from other humans though-- I guess I need to weigh that in more often than I have been.  Sometimes, that's impossible though because I enjoy teaching people, when I feel they're open-minded enough, rather than to silently tolerate ignorance.  I guess I just need to balance out, okay, is debating this going to cause me a lot of stomach aches?  I'm human and I'm young, and I'm still not strong about everything.  Sometimes it is just nice to be quiet and listen to others and enjoy peace, whilst still holding your own, of course...I totally get that.  And many people I meet in real life aren't worth discussing these things with.  It's just nice to listen and enjoy the world around you, often, and the person around you, who may not be so open-minded but is at least different from you and can teach you something new, as I've said before.


I think what causes me the most pain is the worry that people think I am trying to start arguments when in reality I'm trying to have pleasant, depthful conversations where everyone, myself included, learns and grows.  I don't care whether it's on a dumb social media website, why waste my time being somewhere where I interact with other humans whom I care about, if I can't be real?  I don't believe in ass-kissing just because I am on the internet.  I keep it real because life is short.  Really short.  I feel like the time is flying by.  To be cautious and silent about what one is passionate about is to repress who you are.  I refuse to do that.  (Most of the time anyway.  Read on...)


Forenote:  In the work place, obviously I won't be having depthful conversations or talking about anything controversial, unless it's some sort of Opinion column in a paper, or writing novels, or something along those lines (not out of the question).  But I'll be getting paid for that.


I guess what I am trying to say here, is that there is a balance I hold when it comes to sharing my beliefs.  I choose the right times, I choose the right people, people who are open-minded and interested, and I do it when and where I feel comfortable with it.  In an instance where I choose to share, I don't back down just because someone disagrees with me, but I always try to be pleasant about it.  I think we all should do this.  Don't submit to something, just listen with an open mind and then share your belief, no matter how different it is.  If the person is closed-minded, don't waste your time sharing your opinion with them, because they won't have anything beneficial to share into the conversation.  It doesn't mean that you like what they say.  Maybe your opinions are too different for it to be worth debating because things will get firey.  Or sometimes, it's okay to just smile at someone and change the subject because frankly, they're just (hopefully momentarily) being an idiot.  I think certain people are only capable of so many different thought processes.  We just have to accept that some are not going to have mature conversations right now, or even ever in their lives.  We can't expect the standards we hold of ourselves from the people around us.  I think this is a monumental flaw that most of us carry, to an extent.  We are all so different, have different intelligence levels, and so why should our expectations of how a person should be, which really somewhat matches our capabilities (let's be honest), interfere with how nice of a time we have with them?  Sometimes people really can't help how they are and we just have to accept that.

However, that does not mean you have to hang out with someone you don't enjoy being around.  It just means you can be pleasant around them and try to make them feel good, and still totally disagree with their values.  You don't say, "I agree," when you don't agree.  Change the subject.  Go around it.  Hold your own if they confront you, in a kind manner.  Why shame or belittle someone because they can't measure up to what you want in a person?  That's not right.  Let's spread the happiness and the love!!  And then move on and go talk to who you actually want to talk to.


Just my thoughts on that, I am really tired and feel like this whole entry is so sub-par.  I may edit it later and I'll write that I have edited this entry here, at the bottom of it, if I do.

Edited at 12:50PM, 8/23/14.

First Post--Let's get to it! Internal Strength, Confidence, and Acceptance

This blog took me all of two seconds to make.  Fascinating.

Here, for a paragraph, I will talk about a movie, something I won't be doing much at all in this blog, so feel free to skip.
I am watching Tron Legacy, I absolutely love Olivia Wilde, she keeps it real!  This is one of the few movies I will sit down for and stop what I am doing to stare at the screen.  It's so beautiful.  It's action packed, but also makes me cry?  It's pretty much everything I would want in a movie and more.  I think it is my favorite.  I don't have an qualms about it so far.  I just wish they'd show more at the end with Quora and Sam.  Honestly, I think the guy who plays Sam is probably my favorite action film dude so far (although I haven't seen him in any other movies, so I could be wrong).  He's down-to-earth and he's not show-offy, just gets the job done!  And is admittedly pretty cute!


I haven't decided what I want to use this blog for.  I may write about the cosmetic form of makeup, I may write about what makes up my thoughts, it may be both.  If I decide to do this, I will tag my posts so they can be organized appropriately and one who is interested in one topic or the other can simply click on the tag to find the genre of blog entry they were searching for.  Sorry about that sentence.  You will find here that brevity is not really my strong suit.


Been thinking a lot lately about internal strength.  You know, the stuff that actually counts as long as your physical health is in order.  I feel like a lot of people lack it at the sacrifice of needing acceptance from others.  I think when you are proud of your own thoughts, there is a bravery that comes from within, and while, naturally others' support is great, it's unnecessary.

I think often because I am shy I am perceived as a weak person.  However, know me better and you will see that I actually have to fight to tone down the force behind my opinions.  That isn't a weak person.  I can have so much certainty when it comes to my beliefs--I think long and hard about them and because of that, I become very confident about them.  Sometimes, I will voice an opinion out loud, only to feel guilty about it afterward because the whole room will agree with me and I wonder, are they responding to the logistics behind what I said or the tone?  I think confidence sells people your ideas a lot more often in life than logic, unfortunately.  I also wonder, did I come off too strong?  Do people just not want to argue with me?  I love debating and constructive criticism, and I wish people would kindly go back and forth with me in a logical way, and introduce new opinions.  Just because I am confident about my beliefs, doesn't mean that I think they could be the ultimate, best thing.  I want to learn and I want to be better--I do not want to be always, 'right.'  There's always something new to know, to learn and to grow from, some other thing that makes an issue more complex and could lean it a different way.  We are all babies in this world, too many things to know for any of us to really be ahead of another in any sort of significant way, I think.  While one of us has an experience that teaches them one thing, and they motivate on and learn from that, someone else learned something completely different.  This is why I think arrogant people are hilariously naive and unintelligent, regardless of background.  We all have a collection of things that we grew from in different ways.  Just because you're good at a couple things, doesn't make you royalty.  I want to learn.  And in this, I think this balance I hold can also get me perceived as weak again.  I am both accepting of others and extremely passionate about my beliefs.  I love that about myself.  But if we don't talk about beliefs you would never know that about me.  I will write about them on my facebook though, and frequently!  In hopes that someone in my little crowd of distant companions will relate.

One day it won't bother me so much that I am surrounded by people who really don't get me.  I'm accepting of the fact that they as people do not, but I'm still adjusting to the fact that they are numerous.  That is something everyone must adjust to, at least at times, short or long.  We are all too different and various for it not to be true.  I'll get over it.  I don't feel, 'misunderstood,' but rather, people who don't know me very well aren't able to see the real me.  So duh, they're going to have incorrect perceptions, as I am sure I do of plenty of people.


Oh god, now I am watching a horrible movie called Dragon Emperor or something to that effect.  The, 'Main Man,' seems cocky and ridiculous... I have to turn the tv off.  Sorry to bring up ANOTHER movie, but I had to cliffnote that because it was so hysterically bad.  Why do people think arrogance is attractive?  I hope this doesn't come off as insulting, but in my belief it's because they're either dumb or they're naive and do not know better yet.  Those who are swayed by arrogance should not be trusted, because they are convinced to do and think things based on others' confidence and not logic.  Little sillies.  I can't believe there are so many full-on movies with these arrogant characters.... to me it just screams how much humanity has to grow, or maybe every movie is directed towards children these days?  I think it's a combo of both.

You may find my conclusions here are abrupt as well.  That's how I roll.  I think closure, in my case, is just over-enunciating points I already most-likely over-enunciated as it was, aka a waste of time.  If I can keep it concise, I may have concluding paragraphs every once in a while.  But I enjoy my writing style.  Tell me what you think about it?

TA!!! (short form of ta ta, I just made it up :P )

Edit: Please comment and tell me what you think!!! :)  No judgement zone!  Take care and hope to hear from you! :)