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Monday, August 25, 2014

Knowledge Is Power: Expect People Not To Like You.

There are people in the world.

Right now.

At this very moment.

Who you haven't met yet.

Who you are going to meet.

Who aren't going to like you.

And some of them will even, by choice, treat you like complete doodoo.


Yep.  So accept it now.  Because guess what.  It is like that for absolutely everybody.


We have heard this phrase a quadrabajillion times: "There is no such thing as the perfect person."
It's repeated a lot because it's completely factual.  However, repetition always does one of two things.  Numero uno: It adds emphasis.  Numero dos: It takes away emphasis.  And in this case, I think dos is the winner.  We lose the essence of what people are trying to tell us because this phrase has been used so many times without elaboration.

I'm here to tell ya that there isn't one person in the world that everybody likes.  I don't even think most people are liked by most people, unless they did something super heroic and helpful to the world.  Or they're a really witty, adorable child.  And even then a lot of people don't like children.  And even then, a majority of the people who do like them, still get super annoyed by them.

You know what, there are people who don't even like PUPPIES.

So don't be greedy and expect that everybody is going to like YOU.  Get over it that some person at the store today was frustrated with you for no apparent reason.  That's life.  The sooner you start expecting that not everyone is going to like you, the less it will bother you when someone comes along and is rude to you.  Surprises are experiences that tend to traumatize us and lead us to question ourselves--you can use them as beneficial learning experiences.  Expectations tend to fly in one ear and out the other.  If you expect people will sometimes not like you, guess what?  It doesn't hurt as much when you find out that they don't.


But even then...

I would say that most of the time...

The way people treat you,

The way people look at you,

The way people act when you are around,

No matter what they may tell you--

Has absolutely nothing to do with you.


Because everybody has bad days.  Everyone sleeps poorly at times.  Everyone goes through something that makes them miserable and unhelpful toward the people around them, even if it is just temporarily.  And you WILL catch someone at a bad moment.  Because there's simply too many of us for it not to happen.  And I'm sure someone has caught you at a bad moment too.  We all have made each other feel bad.  It's even more of a reason for us to try to figure out how to treat each other the right way, which is kindly.

Now what I do not want, is for someone to use this as an excuse for their bad behavior.  You may have made some mistakes that made someone pretty unhappy with you.  OWN IT.  You are strong enough to handle it.  Just do it.  That's how you grow up.  I'm mostly referring here, to complete strangers.  To people who are around you who you barely know or don't know on a personal enough basis for them to have anything against you.


Children and adult children (regardless of whether you're 70 or 7), will often pick on others to boost their own egos.  And they'll cruelly pick out your biggest insecurities and inflate them, make them out to be so horrible, so you can feel like a horrible person, while they get to feel important because of it.  Or so they think.

Guess who the sad one is here?  Not you.  Because you know better.

They are sad because they have no higher personality trait to redeem themselves with.  No wit, no interesting thoughts, no current value, such as being a good person, that would keep them from being so silly.  And not only that.  People who make others sad on purpose, tend to be pretty sad themselves.  They don't know what else to do with themselves, other than to pick at others, to boost their own self-esteem.  Isn't that sad?  Isn't it wonderful to boost your own self-esteem instead by helping others and making them feel good?  When people are stuck deep in a mental hole, they forget about what is really important.  I truly believe that some of these people are so joyless when they do this, that they forget what it means to be happy, and so they walk around making everyone else miserable because it is all they know.  Then there are the others, who are not intelligent enough to know that the most valuable companions will adore them for them, not because they stepped on other people in order to look good.  They will squash themselves in the process because they attracted valueless friends.

People like to call that karma.  It's common sense.


Breaking things down, just know two things:

Not everyone is going to like you.

Those who treat you poorly are sad themselves.


And remember that:

Everyone else is going through those last two things with all the people around them too, just like you are.

So cut them some slack.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Identification: Closed-Minded Vs. Open-Minded People

In my last entry, I talked about how we should open up to the open-minded and close-off our ideas from the closed-minded.  But I never delved into who those people are, or how to identify them, and I think for many people, that can be extremely confusing.

If we can't identify who these people are, we have no way of knowing who to open up to, and if we don't know who to open up to, we could open up to the completely wrong person, only to feel like we just poured our heart out only to get crapped on :)  Haha, not a good way to describe?


So here I'll elaborate on what I think an open-minded person is and what I think a closed-minded person is.  I have found this to be pretty fool-proof in my life and I hope it helps you too.

Here are some examples, for the more visual learner, I suppose.

(This is a pretty generic, boring conversation in my opinion, one I hate to have and I don't feel is really worthwhile, but it gets the job done, and it's one lots of people have had over and over again.  Pretty common conversation for people in their early 20s, so if you're older than that, you can look back and reflect!)

Case 1, Closed-Minded:

"Yes, I do think going out dancing is fun, I absolutely love meeting new people and dancing, it's such a release from every day life and it's great never knowing what is going to happen."

Person looks at you up and down.  Then says, "Oh, that's nice.  So you drink?"

Here they've bounced from listening to what you said about enjoying going out, to judging you by your appearance by looking at you up and down, which is kind of a red alert.  They said, "Oh, that's nice," which means they don't really know how to respond to what you said, either because they don't relate to it or because they don't know how to respond to it at that moment, which is fine.  So cautiously continue, don't give any more personal details until you have a more positive receipt...

"No, I don't, do you?"


"Yes, what is wrong with you, why don't you drink?"

The person pretty much ignored everything you said about the freedom and adventure of going out, and decided to motivate on the fact that you don't drink, in addition to judging you by your appearance.  Sometimes there will be things that just throw people for a loop, but they're still totally intelligent, awesome people, even with a conversation like this.  But if these type of judgmental responses are a trend with the person you are talking to, it is safe to say that they aren't worth your time, or at least are not worth sharing your opinions with.  Responding constantly with an nonconstructive criticism or a judgment of what you said is a big red flag that you are wasting your time sharing opinions with them.  They don't care about real values, they just want to pick out silly things from the conversation to criticize so they can boost their own egos.  It's reflective that they have their own insecurities to solve and are either pretty naive, or not very intelligent.  People worth your time are the ones who exchange values with you and respect your differences.  They don't nit-pick and judge tiny things over and over again, which is sheer stupidity and a waste of time.  Next!!


Case 1, Open-Minded:

"Yes, I do think going out dancing is fun, I absolutely love meeting new people and dancing, it's such a release from every day life and it's great never knowing what is going to happen."

"That sounds like it could be fun, I have never done that before.  It's great to take a break from everyday life and allow yourself to have an awesome time.  Do you drink when you go out?"

"No, I don't, do you?"

"Yes, but I respect that you don't, it's admirable!!  I don't often, but sometimes it is fun."

Here, the person totally validated what you said about having fun, and when you told them you don't drink, they accepted that and didn't judge you for it.  They are being open-minded because they're totally fine with what you said and are looking at the big picture.  You still don't know each other that well, but so far so good!



I'm done writing cases because I didn't enjoy that :P  I used, quite possibly, the most generic conversation in humanity's existence, and for that I apologize, but hopefully it makes it more user-friendly.  Now that you have a couple of examples you can actually analyze, let's get to the good stuff.


People who are closed-minded are really just an assortment of negative things.  They usually have a quality of believing they're always right about certain issues, and whatever point you make, no matter how good it is, goes in one ear and out the other.  They do not address your points logically and soundly.  They will continue telling you why they think they are right, over and over again, and don't bother to address why they think each point of yours is wrong.
If this sounds fun to exchange ideas with for you, you are an interesting person, but I think most people can agree that trying to talk to this is a bit like talking to a loudspeaker in a grocery store with no responder button.  Your solid argument has absolutely no effect on their opinion whatsoever, and they don't bother to consider the points you have made.  They don't want to address your points, they are on an ego-trip and they just want to be right.  Things often can escalate with people like this if you do argue with them, because these people feel like you are, 'invading,' on their ego-trip and daring to defy their, 'perfect,' opinions.  Often they are just looking for an argument and they do not have any true problem-solving skills.  It's truly a waste of time to try with people like this.  They absolutely will disappoint you because their consistent belief of their self-righteousness interferes with their ability to grow.  So don't waste your time trying to share opinions or pour your heart out with someone who does this.  Don't waste your time arguing with them fruitlessly.  Walk away.  You deserve better.

People who are open-minded can be all sorts of things.  They are real people with flaws, but unlike the closed-minded, they acknowledge those flaws and address them.  They may not like being wrong, but they are strong enough to face it when they are wrong, and they will consider your opinions and compare them with their own as logically as they are able to.  They listen to your points, they listen when you open up to them, and they are okay with accepting your differences.  They may argue, they may get a little worked up when you are debating with them, but in the end they know that regardless of your stance on an issue, they can still accept you.

We all get uncomfortable when we disagree with one another sometimes.  But part of being mature is figuring out how to accept that someone else has a different view than you, has good points, and be okay with the fact that you believe two different things.  I've especially found this to be true in my life in the topic of religion.  Sometimes, after a conversation, it's nice to just stop discussing and move on to something else that you do agree on, unless you like to debate or are intrigued by what the person has to say.  And you know what, sometimes people just don't relate to each other and can't be friends.  That's understandable.  But an open-minded person will always consider what your points are and rebut them as logically as they are able to.  It is NOT an ego-trip.  That is the biggest difference between a closed-minded person and an open-minded one.  An open-minded person does NOT take your opinions as a personal attack (unless it's something bigoted of course, like racism, anti-gay people, etc.  Then YOU are the closed-minded one for saying something like that.).  And isn't exchanging values how you find the people you can be closest to in life?  It is absolutely worth it to have these conversations.


So that's my two cents. :)

The Balance of Belief Sharing, Holding Your Own, and Accepting Others

I haven't talked much about makeup in here and I'm not sure I am going to yet.  I read about makeup and find out what the very best products are for me, what the best techniques are, and I use them...and then at that point, I'm done and don't really want to elaborate on it... I already worry I wasted my time as it was.  Though I'd excitedly talk to someone in real life about what works for us or what we like, I really haven't had much interest in blogging about it.  So we will see, but it may not happen.  It's funny, I actually do get excited about those things, but I think to blog about it makes it feel as if it's something that I care a lot about, and honestly, it's not the thing I care the most about.  I am a little fascinated as to how those beauty bloggers balance spending so much time on makeup, and then are still able to motivate on what's really important in life.  I suppose because it's enjoyable and makes them money.  Something I should try.  Maybe I should make two separate blogs.


I am feeling a bit shellish today.  I know that I am a progressive person, but yesterday I posted something on a social media site that I had complete confidence in, only to wake up at 5:40 am and take it down.  It made me realize that I have a lot of learning to do.  I still have confidence in the post and would gladly keep it up if I weren't so stirred up by the idea of people might get the wrong impression of me from it.  Something I rarely ever worry about, but this was a new level for me.  Oh well.  And I'm glad those who saw it, saw it.  But it's down now, and that knot in my chest is gone, and I can go about my day without worrying about it.  C'est la vie.  I learned I'm still conquering some shyness and that I'm not the bravest person in the world.  I'll keep trying.  And it's just a dumb social media website.
If you're wondering what I posted... well, I'm not sharing that here, but it's not a big deal at all.  Secrecy tends to make things seem like a bigger deal than they are.  The nature of humanity, take something away and we want to know more about it.  Well, that doesn't mean that it is actually that important or relevant, though it was obviously interesting.  I think it'd be really stupid to make it a big deal, and that's exactly why I posted it on the social media site.  That's why I post everything I do on there.  I don't expect that same maturity level from other humans though-- I guess I need to weigh that in more often than I have been.  Sometimes, that's impossible though because I enjoy teaching people, when I feel they're open-minded enough, rather than to silently tolerate ignorance.  I guess I just need to balance out, okay, is debating this going to cause me a lot of stomach aches?  I'm human and I'm young, and I'm still not strong about everything.  Sometimes it is just nice to be quiet and listen to others and enjoy peace, whilst still holding your own, of course...I totally get that.  And many people I meet in real life aren't worth discussing these things with.  It's just nice to listen and enjoy the world around you, often, and the person around you, who may not be so open-minded but is at least different from you and can teach you something new, as I've said before.


I think what causes me the most pain is the worry that people think I am trying to start arguments when in reality I'm trying to have pleasant, depthful conversations where everyone, myself included, learns and grows.  I don't care whether it's on a dumb social media website, why waste my time being somewhere where I interact with other humans whom I care about, if I can't be real?  I don't believe in ass-kissing just because I am on the internet.  I keep it real because life is short.  Really short.  I feel like the time is flying by.  To be cautious and silent about what one is passionate about is to repress who you are.  I refuse to do that.  (Most of the time anyway.  Read on...)


Forenote:  In the work place, obviously I won't be having depthful conversations or talking about anything controversial, unless it's some sort of Opinion column in a paper, or writing novels, or something along those lines (not out of the question).  But I'll be getting paid for that.


I guess what I am trying to say here, is that there is a balance I hold when it comes to sharing my beliefs.  I choose the right times, I choose the right people, people who are open-minded and interested, and I do it when and where I feel comfortable with it.  In an instance where I choose to share, I don't back down just because someone disagrees with me, but I always try to be pleasant about it.  I think we all should do this.  Don't submit to something, just listen with an open mind and then share your belief, no matter how different it is.  If the person is closed-minded, don't waste your time sharing your opinion with them, because they won't have anything beneficial to share into the conversation.  It doesn't mean that you like what they say.  Maybe your opinions are too different for it to be worth debating because things will get firey.  Or sometimes, it's okay to just smile at someone and change the subject because frankly, they're just (hopefully momentarily) being an idiot.  I think certain people are only capable of so many different thought processes.  We just have to accept that some are not going to have mature conversations right now, or even ever in their lives.  We can't expect the standards we hold of ourselves from the people around us.  I think this is a monumental flaw that most of us carry, to an extent.  We are all so different, have different intelligence levels, and so why should our expectations of how a person should be, which really somewhat matches our capabilities (let's be honest), interfere with how nice of a time we have with them?  Sometimes people really can't help how they are and we just have to accept that.

However, that does not mean you have to hang out with someone you don't enjoy being around.  It just means you can be pleasant around them and try to make them feel good, and still totally disagree with their values.  You don't say, "I agree," when you don't agree.  Change the subject.  Go around it.  Hold your own if they confront you, in a kind manner.  Why shame or belittle someone because they can't measure up to what you want in a person?  That's not right.  Let's spread the happiness and the love!!  And then move on and go talk to who you actually want to talk to.


Just my thoughts on that, I am really tired and feel like this whole entry is so sub-par.  I may edit it later and I'll write that I have edited this entry here, at the bottom of it, if I do.

Edited at 12:50PM, 8/23/14.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Creativity Vs. Logic, the infinite battle! :P

May I just say that after my last relationship, I feel like every ounce of creativity was sucked out of me and I now have to strain like I'm lifting up 100 pound weights to gain it back?

That's a lil personal for the blog here, but I want to be real with you all.  This blog--it's probably going to change a lot over the course of time.  I have been in this major left-brain thing for over a year now, where I just have to really dig to get to the dreams and stuff.  I am part grateful for it and in part loss, as I feel that creativity brought me a lot of happiness.

Just thinking a lot today about who I am, how I want to grow, and shape, and that will also influence the blog.

So don't expect consistency.  Just enjoy the ride or leave!!! :P

Love and Narcissism

Thanks for visiting if you have managed to find this place :)

I have nothing revolutionary to say right now, but I worry that I'm a narcissist (yeah, we all are to some extent, but I'm worry I'm worse than average).  Was my last entry all about me, me, me?  I hope every thought I come up with is to help others and not simply borne from the fact that I'm trying to comfort my own insecurities.

I toasted some EnerG tapioca bread today and I am pleasantly surprised to say, it makes some good toast... I have had to restrict gluten (I'll still eat it sometimes) recently due to some issues I've been having when I eat a lot of it.  Yeah, not too shabby.  In fact, shockingly, I would say to toast it rather than eat it raw.  It's better that way.  I thought it would turn into croutons or something in there.

Balancing my interests in this blog may be difficult.  I am catering to two entirely different audiences.  Does that make me a complex person?  Iunno.  But anyway, here's two things that I've been wanting of recent:


Plan on purchasing both in the future, when the funds are available :)  Valentines day to myself!!!  I actually do NOT like having a lot of jewelry and I already think I have too much, but I've been on this life-search for the perfect heart necklace and this one appears to be exactly everything I want.  It's so beautiful and sparkly and to me, the meaning of the heart symbol just gets down to the core of what life is all about, being happy, making others happy, keeping the world healthy, being honest, spreading love and cheer.  I just adore that, I always try to mantra the word, "Love."  I'm not cheesy about it, but man it makes me happy.  And I'll keep doing what makes me happy.

Hmmm, love and narcissism.  I think the two can tango.  Everyone wants love because everyone needs it and in that, we're kind of narcissistic in believing we deserve it and should have it.  I mean, "true love," especially.  People want a partner to relate to and derive happiness from.  Don't know why we can't just be freaking happy by ourselves, without wanting that, but I don't know one person, myself included, who doesn't want that or wouldn't think that their lives would be somehow improved without that.  I dig deep and I still can't figure out why I can't just enjoy things supremely on my own.  I do enjoy life and joke around by myself a lot more than I think most people do, being a big introvert, but I still would like company from someone I connect to.  I don't understand it.  I don't really think it makes that much sense.  Just enjoy what's around you on your own, don't take it for granted.  You define everything you see, nobody else does, so why does someone else need to be there?  Sometimes I think it's how we're raised.  But then, while I like myself, it does get boring just interacting with myself.  It'd be nice to exchange ideas, etc. (big etc. there, but I don't want to be inappropriate).

I do think people need to just enjoy friends if they can't find that special person, and look around and not take for granted the beauty that's around them.  Life is so gorgeous and wonderful, I think, with or without someone's encouragement.  I'm always savoring the beauty around me, sky, grass, flowers, sun.  People's music, dancing to it, meeting strangers and learning all about people, oh it's so fun, life is meant to be lived!!!!!


Edit: I want to mention that my beloved sister did buy me an absolutely wonderful heart necklace that even has a butterfly on it, another symbol I am totally obsessed with.  I'm so so thankful for it and I love it so much.  The only two sad, pathetic reasons I would ever even dream of having another heart necklace is because the one above will match more outfits, and I enjoy the idea of buying jewelry for myself, but this one she gave me is still irreplaceable and I couldn't be more grateful for it.  Did not mean to exclude that and I apologize.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

First Post--Let's get to it! Internal Strength, Confidence, and Acceptance

This blog took me all of two seconds to make.  Fascinating.

Here, for a paragraph, I will talk about a movie, something I won't be doing much at all in this blog, so feel free to skip.
I am watching Tron Legacy, I absolutely love Olivia Wilde, she keeps it real!  This is one of the few movies I will sit down for and stop what I am doing to stare at the screen.  It's so beautiful.  It's action packed, but also makes me cry?  It's pretty much everything I would want in a movie and more.  I think it is my favorite.  I don't have an qualms about it so far.  I just wish they'd show more at the end with Quora and Sam.  Honestly, I think the guy who plays Sam is probably my favorite action film dude so far (although I haven't seen him in any other movies, so I could be wrong).  He's down-to-earth and he's not show-offy, just gets the job done!  And is admittedly pretty cute!


I haven't decided what I want to use this blog for.  I may write about the cosmetic form of makeup, I may write about what makes up my thoughts, it may be both.  If I decide to do this, I will tag my posts so they can be organized appropriately and one who is interested in one topic or the other can simply click on the tag to find the genre of blog entry they were searching for.  Sorry about that sentence.  You will find here that brevity is not really my strong suit.


Been thinking a lot lately about internal strength.  You know, the stuff that actually counts as long as your physical health is in order.  I feel like a lot of people lack it at the sacrifice of needing acceptance from others.  I think when you are proud of your own thoughts, there is a bravery that comes from within, and while, naturally others' support is great, it's unnecessary.

I think often because I am shy I am perceived as a weak person.  However, know me better and you will see that I actually have to fight to tone down the force behind my opinions.  That isn't a weak person.  I can have so much certainty when it comes to my beliefs--I think long and hard about them and because of that, I become very confident about them.  Sometimes, I will voice an opinion out loud, only to feel guilty about it afterward because the whole room will agree with me and I wonder, are they responding to the logistics behind what I said or the tone?  I think confidence sells people your ideas a lot more often in life than logic, unfortunately.  I also wonder, did I come off too strong?  Do people just not want to argue with me?  I love debating and constructive criticism, and I wish people would kindly go back and forth with me in a logical way, and introduce new opinions.  Just because I am confident about my beliefs, doesn't mean that I think they could be the ultimate, best thing.  I want to learn and I want to be better--I do not want to be always, 'right.'  There's always something new to know, to learn and to grow from, some other thing that makes an issue more complex and could lean it a different way.  We are all babies in this world, too many things to know for any of us to really be ahead of another in any sort of significant way, I think.  While one of us has an experience that teaches them one thing, and they motivate on and learn from that, someone else learned something completely different.  This is why I think arrogant people are hilariously naive and unintelligent, regardless of background.  We all have a collection of things that we grew from in different ways.  Just because you're good at a couple things, doesn't make you royalty.  I want to learn.  And in this, I think this balance I hold can also get me perceived as weak again.  I am both accepting of others and extremely passionate about my beliefs.  I love that about myself.  But if we don't talk about beliefs you would never know that about me.  I will write about them on my facebook though, and frequently!  In hopes that someone in my little crowd of distant companions will relate.

One day it won't bother me so much that I am surrounded by people who really don't get me.  I'm accepting of the fact that they as people do not, but I'm still adjusting to the fact that they are numerous.  That is something everyone must adjust to, at least at times, short or long.  We are all too different and various for it not to be true.  I'll get over it.  I don't feel, 'misunderstood,' but rather, people who don't know me very well aren't able to see the real me.  So duh, they're going to have incorrect perceptions, as I am sure I do of plenty of people.


Oh god, now I am watching a horrible movie called Dragon Emperor or something to that effect.  The, 'Main Man,' seems cocky and ridiculous... I have to turn the tv off.  Sorry to bring up ANOTHER movie, but I had to cliffnote that because it was so hysterically bad.  Why do people think arrogance is attractive?  I hope this doesn't come off as insulting, but in my belief it's because they're either dumb or they're naive and do not know better yet.  Those who are swayed by arrogance should not be trusted, because they are convinced to do and think things based on others' confidence and not logic.  Little sillies.  I can't believe there are so many full-on movies with these arrogant characters.... to me it just screams how much humanity has to grow, or maybe every movie is directed towards children these days?  I think it's a combo of both.

You may find my conclusions here are abrupt as well.  That's how I roll.  I think closure, in my case, is just over-enunciating points I already most-likely over-enunciated as it was, aka a waste of time.  If I can keep it concise, I may have concluding paragraphs every once in a while.  But I enjoy my writing style.  Tell me what you think about it?

TA!!! (short form of ta ta, I just made it up :P )

Edit: Please comment and tell me what you think!!! :)  No judgement zone!  Take care and hope to hear from you! :)