Peace and Me

October 14, 2016


I wrote this for a reason, not to display.
I have purpose with every word I say.
Setting emotions aside lets just table lay
Forget about petty disarray

I'm waiting for a sentence that makes sense
I'm waiting to believe there is a chance
I'm waiting for my hope to be renewed
I'm waiting to not feel like we are through

I'm too strong to be unhappy and not laugh
I'm too aware to be go through the worst and not be cheerful
I've been through too much to not feel like I'm lucky
You see all the good and forget I am a person

My brain has begun to shut you out
With every word I say, you have doubt
I've tried countless ways to change my enunciation
Practice and practice my communication
Manipulate my tones, my words,
The emotional impact and intricacies of my sentences,
All to say the same things you've never understood

You are to think every single thing you want of me
I just can't be present
Your love makes me care about things I never do
I don't want to
You believe you are here to help me
Help yourself to the door

Four years have flown away
Yet I've been here to stay
My walls have turned to steel
I've forgotten how to feel
I may never get what I need
That's the cross I'll have to heed
I know alone, I'll be just fine.

Fairy tales are for people who haven't seen the real world
They're a common self-absorbent fantasy
I'm aware some people don't see a full life-time
I don't need to hold on to you and me

The world is full of high expectations
Most of those expectations are absolute crap
If you don't reach something, you don't reach it
You can do what you want to do
You truly define your path

I have failed you in 100,000 ways
You had several issues with me every single day
I don't exceed your expectations,
The subject of an on-going operation
Yet my views are very much the same

The living heart is just a theory
My real one beats and beats just fine
The idea of true love is a circus
It makes a nice story by design

If I'm happy, that's what matters
There's so much in life I love and like
I don't need one to complete me
I've got it all because I have got my mind

We create what we believe
We create every single thing we see
Our lives are partially manufactured fantasy
Justifications, rules, and dignity
Yet there's no way to oversimplify
The peace we can have, we can be
I've always found that peace when it was just me

I'm Very Tired

I am becoming resigned to the fact that I can't have everything exactly as I want it, so I will continue to write in this blog with it's, in my opinion crappy, title, and possibly dated youthful entries; that I'm afraid to read; and get over it because, obviously, it shouldn't matter, and I should have realized that all along.  I love that run-on sentence.  It's exactly how I speak, when I'm annoyed my sentences become very blurred together and sardonic.

I am very tired of being polite when things don't go a certain way.
I'm very tired of catering to the whims of people whose values I don't respect.
I'm very tired of everything everyone else is, and I'm not afraid to say it again like many have before me, above the voices of the casual quiet.  I'm not a casual-thinking person.  I never have been and never will be.  I don't want to be.  I don't plan to be.  Things that bother you should be addressed.  Yes, even if they've been before by others.

I'm awake.

I don't want to go to sleep.

I want to address the unaddressed and the dressed.

I keep hoping.

I speak because I have hope.  If I believed in nothing I'd say nothing.  I speak when I know things can be better.

Allow me to speak.

Ignore my format and just read.

It's the message, not the passage.


I am tired.