Where I'm Going, What I'm Saying.

It's been a while since I have wrote in here!  I planned on writing a second half to that other entry, but I felt it would have been repetitive and I was uninspired by it, so I saved you guys the trouble.  This isn't a college assignment, of which I feel are energy-sucking, time-consuming, and often an uninspired way to get people to have some sort of proof that they were paying attention, using all the wrong mechanisms to show what they've learned.  Here, if I don't feel good about something, I'm dropping it.  Not wasting valuable time and energy.  And I apply that same notion to my entire life as well.

Lately, I have been making a lot of life changes and a lot of new adjustments.  A lot of decisions, and a lot of deliberation are happening this year.  It's going to be a pretty huge year for me, because I have some imperative and urgent choices to make.  I'm trying to accept the fact that I need to be -okay- with it and just handle it--because whether I like it or not, the due dates are coming.  However, I also know I am not REALLY okay with it.  I have always hated being forced into a time-limit.  I'm just trying to trick myself into not letting the stress get to me. But once it's handled, it will all be downhill from there.  It's just the question of HOW to handle it.  That's what is throwing me for a loop.  I don't even know where. to. start.  If there were a simple guidebook on all of this that was foolproof, I'd take care of it and it'd be overwith.  I feel as if any wrong turn could dramatically alter my life in a negative way.  And I'm handling it pretty well, all things considered.  So there is that (sigh of relief).

Anyway, I think my entries from now-forth will be very similar to how they have been, as I am very much the same person, and although a shy, insecure person with those I'm unfamiliar with, I'm extremely secure privately in who I am, which these blogs should absolutely reflect.  However, as I'm battling some things right now, you may also see more stuff on stress-management.  The entries may have a more personal twist because I'm not only trying to guide you, but I am also using my own logic to help myself navigate life.

And yes, to those who know me in person, and hopefully those who are reading the blog can see this as well, I'll still be the same goofy, happy-go-lucky, adventurous person.  That person who is absolutely NOT afraid to make a, "fool," of themselves or say something outlandish because some silly common norm dictates that is somehow, "wrong."  I may blush, but deep down I'm always proud of everything I do that comes across as silly or embarrassing.  Because I know that none of those things matter.  And I know what actually DOES matter.  And that's a lot more than what some person judging me by a joke I made can say.

Without values, you've got nothing.

So that is where I am right now :)  And I do plan to write in here in the future, but I am not giving you a due date.  I don't like those :)

Take care for now.

Part 1: My Response to 25 Disappointments You Deal With When You’re 25

Everybody I'm back :)  I got a job, and finally have my first 2 day weekend in three weeks.  All of the new activity has enveloped me and I've managed to not blog for quite a while now.  I'm learning how to create a balance.  But I still value this blog dearly.  So keep expecting me back.

Original Article Here

If anyone isn't aware here, I'm 25 years old.  And if you are smart, you won't let that cloud how you see my views/motivations/thoughts in this blog.  However, when I came upon this article today, I felt so passionately about my responses to each point, I decided it might be fun to share with you all how I feel in the blog.  And then continue with my normal style of entries here on the blog--since those are really what I enjoy doing--guiding others, sharing with others, and giving some perspectives that aren't often shared--but are very important.

1. Thinking that by 25, you’d be working your dream job.

I did recall that I felt this way in highschool.  That by 25, I'd have it all together and I'd be, I suppose, finally a 'Professional Adult.'  What I've learned now is that, the, 'Professional Adult,' doesn't exist, regardless of what age you are.  We all have our own strengths that excel beyond what people our age, and even much older ages can aspire to, some more than others.  But we also have our faults.  For instance, little considerations like moving the car seat back after using someone else's car sometimes escape me.  Maybe this isn't an age thing, but a simple quirk, as I don't value the prospect of doing small things like this for other people as crucial, though when I remember to do it, I do it.  I work in makeup now, something I adore doing, but the job is just a basic, foot in the door position.  And while I am satisfied with that, the cloudy vision of a successful adult I had when I was 17 is much different now that I am 25.  I don't believe that having your dream job makes you a successful person at all now, now that I'm 25.  It makes you, possibly happier.  But it's not something everyone gets to have.  And it is NOT what defines you as a truly successful person.  My fervent belief is that your success comes from within.

2. Coming to realize that you don’t know as much about the world as you thought you knew.

Every month, every year, I find that I learn more about how little I actually know.  If you are smart, you'll realize this too.  With wisdom, comes the realization that there is more to discover.  More to be open-minded to.  More to accept, good or bad.  In highschool, I used to think everything was solid when you were an adult, and I just didn't get life yet.  Life is full of questions.  Life is full of finding out about things that you didn't know or didn't realize--some of it truly valuable and a lot of it can be forgotten.  And I've found, in the last few years, it isn't at all about how MUCH you know.  It's about what you value.  How you treat others.  How kind you are.  The loving way (or the scolding way, if needed--consider how crucial the situation actually is in the scheme of things) you stand up for what is right.  Your open-mindedness.  Your reasoning.  Knowing not to obsess over the petty things or get upset about things that aren't important.  Being able to let go of when other people make little mistakes based on their own insecurities.  Having good judgement of other people's behavior, but not being judgmental of them.  Those capabilities.  There's no chart for it.  You just have to reason and be open to different opinions, and accept you'll make mistakes, regardless of age.  I make mistakes all the time, but I still firmly believe I am a successful adult.  If you can balance all of that to the best of your capabilities, in my opinion, you're a successful adult.

3. Finding out exactly how much of your paycheck is eaten up by taxes.

Yep.

4. Finding out that supporting yourself isn’t nearly as exciting as you thought it would be — before you actually had to support yourself.

Maybe it's the independent side of me, but I honestly am thrilled with the idea of supporting myself, and have been thrilled with it for at least 5 years now.  However, while I don't expect a fantasy, the prospect of the relief I will feel is exciting to me.  The unnecessary amount of parental guilt trips I've tolerated, all the while fully knowing I'm handling things to the best of my capabilities in each scenario, provoked this from desire to need in me years ago.  Not being able to support myself has only caused me much unhappiness, and for a while I truly felt helpless on how to turn things around, because my physical capabilities didn't always match with what was expected from me, so there didn't seem to be an easy way out.  Maybe rather, my view of supporting myself isn't exactly a fantasy, but it's the release of a burden for me, the burden of having to listen to and feel bad about all of the, 'advice,' that didn't ring true for me because it was based on life experiences completely different than my own.  I now no longer have to tolerate not being listened to or having my circumstances not considered (or even accepted) by those who I value.  Just in getting a job, I've been so much happier, mainly because I am being treated with the respect I deserved all along.  And it'd also be enjoyable to have my own house where I don't have to worry about upsetting someone because I left a plate on the couch. :)  A cute quirk of the person who does this, nevertheless, I want my own place.

5. Living on your own isn’t as glamorous as was expected.

Hm, not sure I ever expected any home more than meager because I wasn't sure I'd ever find a job I'd enjoy enough to make good money from! :)  I suppose in highschool, I dreamed of a fantasy.  But it wasn't a new realization at age 25, for me.  From a young age, I have always felt that you should never trade happiness for money.  I didn't want to work hard in school and trade years of work and money for something I would be unhappy with, but had to stick to.  I'm glad I pressed on.  I'm finally seeing results, and even though, right now, they're small, I'm grateful. (But by no means did I miss out on the college loan train... See #12)

6. Having to accept that working just about always sucks.

Pretty much.  Even a dream job has its ups and downs.  I have had this realization, because I did have an unrealistic view that many people enjoyed their jobs far more than I thought they did in the past.  While I expected a job that wouldn't be the greatest, I was willing to do it if that meant I wouldn't be wasting valuable time and money on MORE college and loans for something I wouldn't want to do.  However, now that I have a job I can actually see myself enjoying, it's still hard work.  I didn't expect to be easy due to the nature of this foot-in-the-door job, but I'm noticing more and more that everyone I meet seems to be pretty drained after a work day--and in general.

7. Coming to accept that days are short and that there’s little time for things other than work and running personal errands.

As we get older, days seem to get shorter and shorter.  I feel as if time escapes me quickly every day, because I have so many ideas and dreams and things I want to do, they never get finished.  Whereas when I was a child, days stretched on like miles before me.  And while I am still young, I'm wondering where the time is flying to, because it seems I never have enough!

8. Being disappointed with the people you meet.

Here is one that I actually DISAGREE with.  I've found that ALMOST everyone seems to have a tic.  A little thing you can do or say that gets them to start behaving kindly again.  I am aware a lot of people are in a bad mood because they are unhappy, and it has nothing to do with me.  And I'm also aware everyone has something new to teach me.  So it's always my quest to cure with kindness and with being down-to-earth.  People love it when you are real to them and you try to see things from their perspective.  And they also appreciate when you are kind to them, even if they are not being kind to you.  It doesn't always work, but when it does, it certainly makes you feel good.  And I've found most people just want to be treated with kindness and respect, and they are angry because they feel that few will.  There are some people who just behave so terribly, so closed-mindedly, so condescendingly, so rude and prejudice to others, that I have to scold their behavior, through words, in a way that will make them re-think their actions, and kindness will not do because it is not deserved.  But I'm finding that, at least where I'm usually located, that hasn't been the case for 99.9% of people.  And do you know how kindness cures?  Sometimes you can fix a problem before it even starts.  Just keep people informed, tell them why you are doing what you are doing, and be understanding and nice to them.  It's hard to know that YOU aren't the reason for their behavior--and they feel the exact same way about you.  So be as open and real about your actions as possible, all the while being kind--and it HELPS. :)  We're all very different so I can't guarantee you won't be disappointed in someone else.  But it's enjoyable to be kind to each other through our differences, and it helps us all be more accepting of one another.

9. Being disappointed with your preferred sex.

I'm just going to say Yes for this one.  I am accepting of people as people, but you are taking it to a whole other level when you ask me who I'll choose for a relationship partner.  That's completely different.  I may have to LIVE with them one day.  You know what I'm saying?  I don't think I'll ever find that person!!!  It's been a struggle to the point I'm giving up on it.

10. Losing friends due to different life directions.

I wouldn't say I've lost a lot of friends of recent, mainly because I haven't KEPT very many friends--the ones I lost, I lost long ago!!!  I learned this lesson a while ago.  You just get busy and forget.  But the loyal ones, the ones who are understanding of who you are (even if you are both different) stand by no matter how much time has flown.  I hope I can find friends I'm close enough to one day to spend more time with, but so far, it's been a struggle, one that I've accepted and am okay with.

11. Realizing that most of your friends are awful friends, and then cutting them out of your life.

Would you consider me a braggart if I said that I've pretty much always been too good of a judge of character for this?  Hasn't happened!!!  If they were bad, I cut them out early.  Like I said, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, regardless of what age we are, and I honestly think this is one of my strengths.  If it's not yours, let me give you a hug and say that that is TOTALLY okay.  You are cutting them out now, so good job :)  You realized and you are fixing it.  It wasn't your fault you didn't realize in the beginning, if you didn't know better, you didn't know better.

12. All that school debt that you still have to pay off — and will continue to have to pay off for a long time.

Already know, am passionate about, and fight against this subject.  I feel children are pressured into this, and often they aren't given the guidance to know better than to attend places that are expensive when they aren't sure of what they want to do.  It's a very impressionable time, and people are pressuring them in this time to spend THEIR money on something they may not even be happy about in the long run.  Those loans are real, and they WILL kick you in the butt some day if you don't stay on top of them.  If you aren't utterly certain and motivated about what you want to do, and if the result of your education doesn't guarantee a spot in a field that will give you the money to pay off the loans in an adequate time period, DO NOT go to an expensive college.  The lack of education I was given on the price of my education absolutely shocks me.  And it needs to be addressed EVERYWHERE.

13. Realizing that your major only allows you to find jobs that, it turns out, you can’t stand doing.

 See above.



So, that concludes Part 1 of my response :)  To see Part 2, wait 48 hours! :)

You Could Analyze Something To Death

September 8th??  September 8th was REALLY the last time I blogged?!  So it's been 3 weeks.  Time really, really flies guys.  It doesn't matter what I am doing.  I just feel like I'm going to be 100 tomorrow.  I thought I'd blogged last a week ago!!  Are you the same?  I remember, as a kid, time used to feel like waiting for a turtle to lick up a puddle of molasses... Now I savor every moment because I feel they are disappearing like tiny grains of surface sand on a windy day.  And maybe that's the point of this blog in a way... to focus on what's big to you, because the little disappears.

Was doing some research for my other blog, and was inspired by gradients.  When one color fades into a different color, so seamlessly it almost looks like the two could be one uniform shade.  And they could, if you backed away far enough.
I wanted to compare how an artist's gradient looked from farther away to how it looked very close up, and when I saw the close-up, it occurred to me I could see the lines of blending.  It did not look seamless.  But then it occurred to me, if I could fix the imperfections and unblended lines at the close-up, and was able to get an even larger close-up of the corrected close-up, you would still see more lines of blending.  No matter how much you, "fix," something, the closer you get to it, the more imperfections you will see, down to the microscopic level.  Until you can get to the tiniest point of existence, perfection does not exist.

So, you could spend a life-time trying your darndest to get the most, "perfect," thing, look the most, "perfect," way...Please notice, I often quote (or sometimes first-letter-capitalize) the words I don't stand by.
And when you had that perfect mesh of what you believe you're supposed to have, that gradient that may as well be one object, what have you?

Well, you have something that looks very nice.

Whether it holds moral value to you is another subject entirely.

Everything you work for, everything you do, none of it truly matters--unless it has moral value to you.  Everything aside from love and happiness are just extras in your life.  And when we keep trying to fix small things, we often are, point-blank, wasting our time.  We, for some reason, are very good at blowing tiny interactions, tiny choices, tiny situations, completely out of proportion.  And because we are giving that petty list of things meaning, whatever the list and whatever the meanings are, we focus on them and forget about what will truly fulfill us.

So when I say, "You Could Analyze Something To Death," in the blog-title, I mean it heartily.  You could analyze all the tiny things that you feel need tweaked until finally, you have no more time left.  In the end, will you appreciate the product of your work more than the experiences that it took to get you to that finished product?

Whether you are at a company balancing moral and sales, or at home balancing your life, this applies to you.  People in your life will always tell you at certain points in the path, that something needs to be tweaked.  You have to make the changes on it that are worthwhile to you.  What will you be proud of more?  How something looks, or the love and happiness you gave to get yourself there?



PS: This blog is my darling.  I love writing in here, and I don't plan to stop making posts.  I'll write in here at least once a month, if not more.  Also, please feel free to ask me questions and give suggestions for topics you'd like me to discuss. :)

You're Not Normal, Thank God, So Quit Trying To Act Like It

I can totally relate to people who feel strange and different from everyone else.

I think you can too.  Can't admit it?

You have never had times where you felt like you were the only person who felt a certain way about something?  Like no one else who you were talking to could relate to it?

You never had a time in your life where what you wanted wasn't what everyone around you wanted?  Whether it be out of you or whether it be something that a lot of people want (Like children?  A certain career motive?  College?  Or a puppy?  Or even chocolate?  *Gasps*)?

Ever laughed at something that nobody else in the room thought was funny?

Or getting down to basics, there isn't some strange food combination that you really like, that nobody else would dare eat?

No??  Goodness, you are really boring......


I know I HAVE felt this way, and may I say I am a little proud of it?

No, I'm actually a LOT proud of it.  And you should be too.  That's the stuff that makes you interesting.  The stuff that people don't expect.

There's nobody I love more than the so-called, "strange," ones.  The ones who feel like they don't fit in.

The ones who, in actuality, aren't afraid to behave completely normal.  The real normal.  The one that is human, has emotions, and isn't afraid to express themselves instead of repress themselves to fit into a man-made category that our ancestors have been imposing on us for hundreds, if not thousands of years.

You see, normalcy is something that we often expect, but we never actually know.  It's phony.  It's not real.  And the unhappiest people of all are those who try to be it--because they consistently fail--and/or--they constantly expect it out of other people, judging them, and generally living a miserable existence full of negativity and hypocrisy.


In my book...you can be happy...or you can be, "normal."

Go live your life!!!!!  Parachute or something... Laugh your ass off at something no one else in the room will.  You only live once.  Live well.  Don't put yourself in a box because you are afraid.  You'll only trap yourself.

*Laughs*...Sigh...ohhh... "Normal."
It's so overrated.

Have fun :)

It's Okay To Ride Up To A Dead End...

There might be a beautiful sunset there.

Or there may not be.  It's still perfectly okay.

I like to go on bike rides in the evening sometimes when the sun is setting.  I'll ride as far away as I can from the sun, maybe 20-40 minutes before the sun sets, and then, when I see it start to set, as fast as I can, I ride my bike to the closest view possible of the sunset.  It's my time to look at everything around me, feel everything around me, and take nothing for granted.  It's also exhilarating!

Today when I was doing this, I noticed something about myself.  I got nervous every time I got close to a dead end.  Worried, that because I didn't know if there would be another road around the corner, that people might laugh at my bad directional skills.

How silly this is, yet I've clearly been trained to do this.  We all do this at points in our lives.  We don't want to be seen doing something that might look foolish, when actually, what we should feel foolish about--is the fact that we feel foolish to begin with about whatever we are doing.  Would you feel foolish doing it if you were on your own and no one else knew about it?  There comes a point where you have to realize that it doesn't MATTER what people think.  Do what makes you happy.  So many of us choose to go the safe route.  The one where we know people will not judge us.  This is often at the sacrifice of our own happiness.  Why miss out on the things that we enjoy simply because other people, usually ignorant of our intentions and quick to judge, waste their time making uninformed conclusions about us (instead of focusing on what is actually important in life--even more of a reason to not care about what those people think).  As long as we aren't harming others, it really doesn't matter one flip what others have to say about what we are doing.

The most adventurous path, the path that is right for you, is not always on the road where people travel.  You might end up in a valley staring at the sky for a while.  Or you might end up lost, or working really hard to find yourself in a better place.  Or you may take a wrong turn at a dead end.  But the last thing you should be doing is worrying what others think about it.  Make the life choices, and the little choices, that are going to make you the most happy.  You cannot base these off of what other people think of you without sacrificing some happiness along the way.  The biggest regrets are lost chances.  Do you truly regret that you chose not to achieve something you did not want to do just because other people wanted you to?  Priorities need to be rearranged... YOUR life is about YOUR happiness.  Not others.  Things you could have done to improve your life--for YOU--that you missed out on, should be your only regrets, if any.  So go for it!!

(Of course, please try to be conscious and help animals, the world, and humanity while you are at it.  Little choices count.)

Knowledge Is Power: Expect People Not To Like You.

There are people in the world.

Right now.

At this very moment.

Who you haven't met yet.

Who you are going to meet.

Who aren't going to like you.

And some of them will even, by choice, treat you like complete doodoo.


Yep.  So accept it now.  Because guess what.  It is like that for absolutely everybody.


We have heard this phrase a quadrabajillion times: "There is no such thing as the perfect person."
It's repeated a lot because it's completely factual.  However, repetition always does one of two things.  Numero uno: It adds emphasis.  Numero dos: It takes away emphasis.  And in this case, I think dos is the winner.  We lose the essence of what people are trying to tell us because this phrase has been used so many times without elaboration.

I'm here to tell ya that there isn't one person in the world that everybody likes.  I don't even think most people are liked by most people, unless they did something super heroic and helpful to the world.  Or they're a really witty, adorable child.  And even then a lot of people don't like children.  And even then, a majority of the people who do like them, still get super annoyed by them.

You know what, there are people who don't even like PUPPIES.

So don't be greedy and expect that everybody is going to like YOU.  Get over it that some person at the store today was frustrated with you for no apparent reason.  That's life.  The sooner you start expecting that not everyone is going to like you, the less it will bother you when someone comes along and is rude to you.  Surprises are experiences that tend to traumatize us and lead us to question ourselves--you can use them as beneficial learning experiences.  Expectations tend to fly in one ear and out the other.  If you expect people will sometimes not like you, guess what?  It doesn't hurt as much when you find out that they don't.


But even then...

I would say that most of the time...

The way people treat you,

The way people look at you,

The way people act when you are around,

No matter what they may tell you--

Has absolutely nothing to do with you.


Because everybody has bad days.  Everyone sleeps poorly at times.  Everyone goes through something that makes them miserable and unhelpful toward the people around them, even if it is just temporarily.  And you WILL catch someone at a bad moment.  Because there's simply too many of us for it not to happen.  And I'm sure someone has caught you at a bad moment too.  We all have made each other feel bad.  It's even more of a reason for us to try to figure out how to treat each other the right way, which is kindly.

Now what I do not want, is for someone to use this as an excuse for their bad behavior.  You may have made some mistakes that made someone pretty unhappy with you.  OWN IT.  You are strong enough to handle it.  Just do it.  That's how you grow up.  I'm mostly referring here, to complete strangers.  To people who are around you who you barely know or don't know on a personal enough basis for them to have anything against you.


Children and adult children (regardless of whether you're 70 or 7), will often pick on others to boost their own egos.  And they'll cruelly pick out your biggest insecurities and inflate them, make them out to be so horrible, so you can feel like a horrible person, while they get to feel important because of it.  Or so they think.

Guess who the sad one is here?  Not you.  Because you know better.

They are sad because they have no higher personality trait to redeem themselves with.  No wit, no interesting thoughts, no current value, such as being a good person, that would keep them from being so silly.  And not only that.  People who make others sad on purpose, tend to be pretty sad themselves.  They don't know what else to do with themselves, other than to pick at others, to boost their own self-esteem.  Isn't that sad?  Isn't it wonderful to boost your own self-esteem instead by helping others and making them feel good?  When people are stuck deep in a mental hole, they forget about what is really important.  I truly believe that some of these people are so joyless when they do this, that they forget what it means to be happy, and so they walk around making everyone else miserable because it is all they know.  Then there are the others, who are not intelligent enough to know that the most valuable companions will adore them for them, not because they stepped on other people in order to look good.  They will squash themselves in the process because they attracted valueless friends.

People like to call that karma.  It's common sense.


Breaking things down, just know two things:

Not everyone is going to like you.

Those who treat you poorly are sad themselves.


And remember that:

Everyone else is going through those last two things with all the people around them too, just like you are.

So cut them some slack.

Identification: Closed-Minded Vs. Open-Minded People

In my last entry, I talked about how we should open up to the open-minded and close-off our ideas from the closed-minded.  But I never delved into who those people are, or how to identify them, and I think for many people, that can be extremely confusing.

If we can't identify who these people are, we have no way of knowing who to open up to, and if we don't know who to open up to, we could open up to the completely wrong person, only to feel like we just poured our heart out only to get crapped on :)  Haha, not a good way to describe?


So here I'll elaborate on what I think an open-minded person is and what I think a closed-minded person is.  I have found this to be pretty fool-proof in my life and I hope it helps you too.

Here are some examples, for the more visual learner, I suppose.

(This is a pretty generic, boring conversation in my opinion, one I hate to have and I don't feel is really worthwhile, but it gets the job done, and it's one lots of people have had over and over again.  Pretty common conversation for people in their early 20s, so if you're older than that, you can look back and reflect!)

Case 1, Closed-Minded:

"Yes, I do think going out dancing is fun, I absolutely love meeting new people and dancing, it's such a release from every day life and it's great never knowing what is going to happen."

Person looks at you up and down.  Then says, "Oh, that's nice.  So you drink?"

Here they've bounced from listening to what you said about enjoying going out, to judging you by your appearance by looking at you up and down, which is kind of a red alert.  They said, "Oh, that's nice," which means they don't really know how to respond to what you said, either because they don't relate to it or because they don't know how to respond to it at that moment, which is fine.  So cautiously continue, don't give any more personal details until you have a more positive receipt...

"No, I don't, do you?"

"Yes, what is wrong with you, why don't you drink?"

The person pretty much ignored everything you said about the freedom and adventure of going out, and decided to motivate on the fact that you don't drink, in addition to judging you by your appearance.  Sometimes there will be things that just throw people for a loop, but they're still totally intelligent, awesome people, even with a conversation like this.  But if these type of judgmental responses are a trend with the person you are talking to, it is safe to say that they aren't worth your time, or at least are not worth sharing your opinions with.  Responding constantly with an nonconstructive criticism or a judgment of what you said is a big red flag that you are wasting your time sharing opinions with them.  They don't care about real values, they just want to pick out silly things from the conversation to criticize so they can boost their own egos.  It's reflective that they have their own insecurities to solve and are either pretty naive, or not very intelligent.  People worth your time are the ones who exchange values with you and respect your differences.  They don't nit-pick and judge tiny things over and over again, which is sheer stupidity and a waste of time.  Next!!


Case 1, Open-Minded:

"Yes, I do think going out dancing is fun, I absolutely love meeting new people and dancing, it's such a release from every day life and it's great never knowing what is going to happen."

"That sounds like it could be fun, I have never done that before.  It's great to take a break from everyday life and allow yourself to have an awesome time.  Do you drink when you go out?"

"No, I don't, do you?"

"Yes, but I respect that you don't, it's admirable!!  I don't often, but sometimes it is fun."

Here, the person totally validated what you said about having fun, and when you told them you don't drink, they accepted that and didn't judge you for it.  They are being open-minded because they're totally fine with what you said and are looking at the big picture.  You still don't know each other that well, but so far so good!



I'm done writing cases because I didn't enjoy that :P  I used, quite possibly, the most generic conversation in humanity's existence, and for that I apologize, but hopefully it makes it more user-friendly.  Now that you have a couple of examples you can actually analyze, let's get to the good stuff.


People who are closed-minded are really just an assortment of negative things.  They usually have a quality of believing they're always right about certain issues, and whatever point you make, no matter how good it is, goes in one ear and out the other.  They do not address your points logically and soundly.  They will continue telling you why they think they are right, over and over again, and don't bother to address why they think each point of yours is wrong.
If this sounds fun to exchange ideas with for you, you are an interesting person, but I think most people can agree that trying to talk to this is a bit like talking to a loudspeaker in a grocery store with no responder button.  Your solid argument has absolutely no effect on their opinion whatsoever, and they don't bother to consider the points you have made.  They don't want to address your points, they are on an ego-trip and they just want to be right.  Things often can escalate with people like this if you do argue with them, because these people feel like you are, 'invading,' on their ego-trip and daring to defy their, 'perfect,' opinions.  Often they are just looking for an argument and they do not have any true problem-solving skills.  It's truly a waste of time to try with people like this.  They absolutely will disappoint you because their consistent belief of their self-righteousness interferes with their ability to grow.  So don't waste your time trying to share opinions or pour your heart out with someone who does this.  Don't waste your time arguing with them fruitlessly.  Walk away.  You deserve better.

People who are open-minded can be all sorts of things.  They are real people with flaws, but unlike the closed-minded, they acknowledge those flaws and address them.  They may not like being wrong, but they are strong enough to face it when they are wrong, and they will consider your opinions and compare them with their own as logically as they are able to.  They listen to your points, they listen when you open up to them, and they are okay with accepting your differences.  They may argue, they may get a little worked up when you are debating with them, but in the end they know that regardless of your stance on an issue, they can still accept you.

We all get uncomfortable when we disagree with one another sometimes.  But part of being mature is figuring out how to accept that someone else has a different view than you, has good points, and be okay with the fact that you believe two different things.  I've especially found this to be true in my life in the topic of religion.  Sometimes, after a conversation, it's nice to just stop discussing and move on to something else that you do agree on, unless you like to debate or are intrigued by what the person has to say.  And you know what, sometimes people just don't relate to each other and can't be friends.  That's understandable.  But an open-minded person will always consider what your points are and rebut them as logically as they are able to.  It is NOT an ego-trip.  That is the biggest difference between a closed-minded person and an open-minded one.  An open-minded person does NOT take your opinions as a personal attack (unless it's something bigoted of course, like racism, anti-gay people, etc.  Then YOU are the closed-minded one for saying something like that.).  And isn't exchanging values how you find the people you can be closest to in life?  It is absolutely worth it to have these conversations.


So that's my two cents. :)