My Thoughts On The Bible--A Series--Genesis

This is a series I am going to be partaking in on my blog.  I am going to read the entire bible and share my thoughts on it, be they positive or negative.  Today we are starting with Genesis.  I'm INCREDIBLY familiar with Genesis, as in my attempts to read the entire bible front to back, I've always started over with Genesis.  I have read it upwards of 10 times.  I'm going to share my thoughts and what has struck me the most over the years, from childhood to now, as Genesis has always struck a few chords.

For this series, I will be giving no explanation of my religious beliefs, what religions/lack thereof I support, whether or not I go to a church of some sort, or explaining the relationships I have with other people who are of other religions.  You will just have to experience this series, completely without the judgement and the biases of what my BACKGROUND is, and purely understand this as a critical writing.  I know that can be hard for some to do.  But it's a good exercise to practice.  I invite you to participate, with eyes open, into what might be a different perspective than your own.  And--that is totally acceptable.

This morning I woke up and I thought about the passage of Adam and Eve.  There is a portion of the story there that has troubled me since small-childhood, nagging at me, though I never really could conceptualize why.  I figured it out.

Adam's Rib

Women bear the great biological responsibility and weight of ALWAYS having to be the ones to bear children, whether or not they like it or the fact that it can kill you, and completely rip apart your body, never leaving it the same.  For that, they really should be respected, and considered as the mothers of the earth.  But nope.  Apparently women don't get that.  What we have to thank, is Adam's rib.  *claps*  God made all those birds, animals, and trees from scratch.  He made Adam in his own image (God's image is apparently a dude).  He said let there be light (the motherfucking SUN) and there was light.  But, women?  Adam's rib!  Of course.  Genius.  When it comes to male-dominated society, we have to start early, after all.

The Tree of Knowledge

First of all, let me get this out of way, I've ALWAYS found Genesis incredibly sexist, even in childhood, and you bet your bottom dollar that nobody around me was telling me that it was.  I'm sorry but if there is ANY SEX OF HUMAN that has trouble with temptation, it's a man.  Who are we constantly on the lookout for in child abduction, rape, and basically any case involving sexual temptation and control/dominance issues (the latter of which, God clearly has--we'll get to that later).  I understand that in our society, female rape is something that, due to cultural stereotypes, is sadly, highly concealed.  But let's look at the statistics of something much more finite: missing children cases.  Those are HIGHLY, highly publicized, at least in the US.  While I don't currently have access to files on the global statistics of the ratio of women to men who kidnap children from their homes (we aren't talking about parents who are arguing about custody, but strangers), I do have access to the news.  And almost EVERY case, if not every, of this type of abduction is by a man.

And yet poor Eve gets the burden of being tempted by an apple, hanging from a tree with a snake on it.  The garden is so happy and beautiful and wonderful, lets go hang out with this gigantic snake.  Surely this is reasonable.

So apparently the Snake, which God made, can talk, and it tempts Eve with, "Knowledge."  What sort of knowledge?  Knowledge and knowing are often synonyms for sex in the bible.  But the snake, quite weakly just renders this as the knowledge of good and evil; these are VAST, VAGUE terms.  Eve, eats the fruit from this so-called (by a talking snake) Tree of Knowledge, and not even a page after her entrance into the bible, has already screwed up.  God, in his almighty, omnipotent wisdom put a tree in the garden that two human no-nothings are not supposed to eat, sat back, ate some popcorn and basically watched them break the rules.  He could have at least made them work for it.

We never find out if Adam would have broken the rules either, but the rendition of the bible (the New International Version) I am reading says he was with her.  In some renditions Adam is innocent of all of this aside from eating the bite he was offered, and we never know whether he would have done it or not.

Then Adam and Eve realize they are naked and are both bashful.  They aren't going, "Hell YEAH!"  They hurry and cover up.  Are they truly embarrassed or did they just realize God's been watching them the whole time?  Who knows.  The Bible as per-tradition doesn't clarify such things that could help to provide us with some credibility.  God just wants you to drink the koolaid.

"And I will put enmity
    between you and the woman,
    and between your offspring[a] and hers;
he will crush[b] your head,
    and you will strike his heel.”

"By the sweat of your brow
    you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
    since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
    and to dust you will return.”

So then God, even though he put the tree there, and he made the snake, and he knew all of this was going to happen, for whatever reason, gets pissed.  And even though just in the last page, Adam was with Eve (whether or not he could also hear the snake talking is also not clarified), apparently Eve now is the one who gets to bare children.  And now they have to eat food and live and die and just turn back into dust.  Wait isn't that atheism?  What happened to the greater beyond that everybody always talks about.  If we are lucky, we'll find out in the next sequel!

“The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.”

"Us?"  Who is, "Us?"  There are more than one?  I'm scared.

So then because of this, humans can't live forever by eating from the Tree of Life, and then we all know what happens with Cain and Abel, as referenced above where offspring are mentioned.  It's our great punishment for doing exactly what God set up for us and knew about the entire time.  Makes perfect sense.

But the Greater Question in all of this, is this:  Why did this, "God," not want humans to be knowledgeable?

And what does this say about this particular religion?

I suppose we will delve into that in the future.

Owning My First Amendment Right

I always have felt an intense sense of guilt for confronting people when I think they are wrong.  It's always seemed like I am disturbing the peace, or hurting their feelings.  And lately, I have come to a sense of peace with this.  I've come to a conclusion, and I'm no longer bothered by it anymore--my being open, in the end, protects other people.

That said, I have a line.  There has to be a line.  I don't say something EVERY single time I don't like something--that would be incredibly negative and reactive.  I only say it when it truly counts and I KNOW that decisions will affect others negatively, and that by not saying something, I would be hurting others even more.  And I think at younger ages, it was harder for me to decide when these lines occurred, and I often remained quiet and would beat myself up about it later.  Not anymore.

From now on, I am open when I think a choice is immoral and affects a large group of people.  I am transparent about it.  And I say it immediately.  Not to be rude, not to cause drama, but because I know that this will affect people negatively and will continue to if I don't say something from the start.  I also want these choices to be really well-thought out.  Can you imagine a world where people, without thinking, constantly made choices that affect others negatively without thinking twice about it?  Unfortunately, we can all agree that this ALREADY happens far too often.  Sometimes just alerting someone to the act is enough to help others, at least for the future.

A sense of transparency and honesty not only creates trust between myself and other people, but creates fear in those who are prone to lying because they know, not only do they have to hold themselves accountable with me, but all of those who I open up to.  And they know that because my intentions are always pure of heart, those people will trust me to be open for the right reasons.

If I were a selfish person, someone who didn't care about other people, their well-being, their happiness and their success...I would not be a reliable person for any sort of information.  However since all of that is my top-priority, it's pretty hard not to trust me and rely on me as a solid source of protection, information, and transparency.

I don't trust people as I did before.  I think deep down, people are good.  But too often, good people rationalize poor decisions, and they don't realize how much they hurt others.  As human-beings, it's our duty to alert people to poor decision-making when it hurts themselves or others.  And too often we rationalize poor decisions.  We sensationalize the quiet, call them graceful, and say they are peaceful, classy.  Yet these same people are cowards and don't speak up when the going gets tough.  They allow bad things to happen to people, because they are afraid of how they will look--the definition of selfish.  I don't want people around me who aren't able to speak out when something is wrong.  I want protectors, I want heroes, I want people who are strong and can speak their minds.  They come in all shapes and colors, all formats of speech.  And yes, some are quieter than others.  But I want to see people's ability to speak out for others.  I want to see leadership in others.  I want to see love for other people, with every decision other people make.  The need to impress needs to be forgotten.  It's selfish, it hurts others. Life should not be about how you look, but what you've done to help others.  How you've committed to that and what you have sacrificed to do that, makes you strong, makes you brave, and makes you a better person and the world a better place.

Peace and Me

October 14, 2016


I wrote this for a reason, not to display.
I have purpose with every word I say.
Setting emotions aside lets just table lay
Forget about petty disarray

I'm waiting for a sentence that makes sense
I'm waiting to believe there is a chance
I'm waiting for my hope to be renewed
I'm waiting to not feel like we are through

I'm too strong to be unhappy and not laugh
I'm too aware to be go through the worst and not be cheerful
I've been through too much to not feel like I'm lucky
You see all the good and forget I am a person

My brain has begun to shut you out
With every word I say, you have doubt
I've tried countless ways to change my enunciation
Practice and practice my communication
Manipulate my tones, my words,
The emotional impact and intricacies of my sentences,
All to say the same things you've never understood

You are to think every single thing you want of me
I just can't be present
Your love makes me care about things I never do
I don't want to
You believe you are here to help me
Help yourself to the door

Four years have flown away
Yet I've been here to stay
My walls have turned to steel
I've forgotten how to feel
I may never get what I need
That's the cross I'll have to heed
I know alone, I'll be just fine.

Fairy tales are for people who haven't seen the real world
They're a common self-absorbent fantasy
I'm aware some people don't see a full life-time
I don't need to hold on to you and me

The world is full of high expectations
Most of those expectations are absolute crap
If you don't reach something, you don't reach it
You can do what you want to do
You truly define your path

I have failed you in 100,000 ways
You had several issues with me every single day
I don't exceed your expectations,
The subject of an on-going operation
Yet my views are very much the same

The living heart is just a theory
My real one beats and beats just fine
The idea of true love is a circus
It makes a nice story by design

If I'm happy, that's what matters
There's so much in life I love and like
I don't need one to complete me
I've got it all because I have got my mind

We create what we believe
We create every single thing we see
Our lives are partially manufactured fantasy
Justifications, rules, and dignity
Yet there's no way to oversimplify
The peace we can have, we can be
I've always found that peace when it was just me

I'm Very Tired

I am becoming resigned to the fact that I can't have everything exactly as I want it, so I will continue to write in this blog with it's, in my opinion crappy, title, and possibly dated youthful entries; that I'm afraid to read; and get over it because, obviously, it shouldn't matter, and I should have realized that all along.  I love that run-on sentence.  It's exactly how I speak, when I'm annoyed my sentences become very blurred together and sardonic.

I am very tired of being polite when things don't go a certain way.
I'm very tired of catering to the whims of people whose values I don't respect.
I'm very tired of everything everyone else is, and I'm not afraid to say it again like many have before me, above the voices of the casual quiet.  I'm not a casual-thinking person.  I never have been and never will be.  I don't want to be.  I don't plan to be.  Things that bother you should be addressed.  Yes, even if they've been before by others.

I'm awake.

I don't want to go to sleep.

I want to address the unaddressed and the dressed.

I keep hoping.

I speak because I have hope.  If I believed in nothing I'd say nothing.  I speak when I know things can be better.

Allow me to speak.

Ignore my format and just read.

It's the message, not the passage.


I am tired.

How To Be a Strong Person

You want to hear my inner voice??  I'm calling to all of you.  These are my innermost beliefs, the things that push me forward, through the piles and piles of bullshit.

I am at a point in my life where I truly feel solid on the fact that we create our own problems.  We are the manufacturers of complexity.  And we thrive on it.  Those thriller movies/books where the plot is so entangled that we can’t not think that the author is a mad genius.  We live for that crap, and understandably as those things are fascinating.  But do we need that in our lives??  Hell no.

Day to day, we really need simplicity in order to have peace of mind.  And our brains are complex.  So sometimes, a lot of times, that is complicated.  It isn’t really natural for a lot of us.  And yet we wait for this to happen, sometimes chase it and make things harder.  You have to actively seek solitude and actively create it, actively fight anxious/unproductive thoughts.  You can’t just wait for it because it won’t happen, like anything else.  YOU are responsible.  Not God, not anybody.  YOU.  And I will be the one to tell you that because I do think a reliance on religion can cloud the path for a lot of us.  The weight’s on YOUR personal shoulders, to figure your shit out.  Not God’s/Allah’s/Whomever’s.

If it rains out, it rains out.  If you are angry at someone, you don’t have to be.  You can, not like someone without wasting your time thinking about them, most of the time (I’m not talking about complex emotional healing here, mostly just the day to day, ups and downs of our own emotions/inner peace).

Another thing I want to mention is—we aren’t telling each other crap…Why, because the 50s were 60 years ago.  What happens when you tell someone something you think is important?  If you are right, you have fixed something.  If you are wrong, hopefully they or someone in the room will fix you.  That’s called GROWTH.  So say whatever the hell you think.  Because if you don’t, nobody gets better.  You are an integral part of this world.  Your personal view is unique to yourself.  SHARE it.  You need it, everybody needs it.  It’s stupid to think that you don’t count because often the norm is incredibly wrong or could severely be improved upon.

I know it’s incredibly easy to fall into the thought that what has been done for years and years must be right.  Guess what, so were a lot of extremely shitty practices.  Racism.  Sexism.  Rape, yes these are all integral, shitty-ass parts of human culture that need to stop.  There’s a lot more than needs to be fixed.  Things aren’t close to perfect yet.  You don't need to be normal because guess what, society's version of "normal??"  It ain't perfect.  We haven't even begun to encroach on what an acceptable human being is.  Little things you do are a part of making that better.

Let’s look stupid together so we can make the world a better place.  That’s called being a strong person.  It gets easier and easier the more you push.  Forget how to be "normal."  That will restrain you.  That is bullshit.

Alright?

Also, calm the fuck down.

Thanks.


PS:  I leave you with this final thought--Innocence is, at ground-level, the purity of fitting into society's norms.  It gives two feet to walk on with no substance.  It feeds expectations bearing no fruit.  Grow.

Loss

Loss is a life lesson that we all eventually go through.  It's difficult to address loss, and--obviously--is a commonly avoided subject.  The idea of losing loved ones, or even losing acquaintances, can seem unfathomable, at least until death happens.  And then it does and it's a slap in the face.  The wondering--what you could have done--and you suffer loss, not only for the person, but for all the time you could have spent with them.  Then on top of that, you also realize things that you never thought you'd realize, like, how silly you were for having any judgments of that person, how wrong you were for thinking things about them that absolutely should have no bearing on the goodness of their soul.  Anything stupid that you may have thought about that person suddenly appears, even if it might not have been as big of a deal as what you are making it now. Left raw, open, and exposed, for you to clean up like dust underneath a shelf that got moved to another part of the room.  But you realize most of your initial worries after losing a loved one were silliness, the product of the anxiety and grief such an event can create.  And, sometimes they aren't.  In any case, we all must find our own way to move on, and like everything else in life, no two paths are the same.

Each person we meet has a clock with a timer on it, and we don't know what day that timer is going to stop.  Appreciate the fact that they are around, give them a smile, give them encouragement, because we have no idea what they are going through or if/when we will see them again.  We all experience pain.  We are never ever alone in our pain, and in fact, we are just as alone in our happiness, yet we feel as if we are alone in our pain because most of us are too afraid to share it.  It's still a cultural taboo we need to overcome.  A taboo that, if overcame, would benefit a lot of people who feel unnecessarily isolated.  Unhappiness is the nature of living in a world full of expectations, human rights issues, unpredictability and instability.  Happiness is the ability to see past all that, the ability to get yourself out of situations that aren't good for you, and to not take what is truly meaningful and right in front of us for granted.  That includes not taking for granted the people around us, the ones we love and the ones we hardly know, with the knowledge that life is short.

Furthering on happiness, as it is a very relevant topic when we discuss death, mostly for the people who have to recover from their loss of a loved one, but also in situations where someone has passed before their time--We all deserve to be happy.  But it isn't handed to us on a silver platter.  Tragedy is inevitable for everyone.  Happy things are also inevitable for everyone, but we have to take the time to appreciate them.  Wealthy or poor, in sickness or in health, happiness is absolutely something every person on earth must work for.  It's earned like wages.  And often, you've got to wade through a bunch of crap in order to get to it, but it's always worth it.

I have been shocked by death of an acquaintance who I thought was an incredibly happy, wonderful light in this world.  We never know what is going on in people's lives, and often their behavior shows no reflection of the truth.  Some people show their emotions, some are talented at hiding them.  A happy person's mental state and/or personal lives could be falling apart just as much as someone who is unhappy.  Someone who has the popular 'goal lifestyle' could be miserable, someone with an unpopular, even difficult way of living could be absolutely thrilled.  Things are not always as they seem.  We all take joy from different things.  This is why more than ever, we should value making people around us feel good, even if they are not behaving the most kindly.  You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors, no idea how the way you treat them could affect the quality of their day, affect their choices, affect positive outcomes.  And while in all likelihood, your words as a stranger will be forgotten, it does not hurt to try to be positive at the right times.  Respect is a right for every creature in this world.

Appreciate the beauty of truly kind people.  Embrace and encourage other people's happiness.   You never know when your opportunity to do that will be gone.  Life goes by incredibly fast.  Relish it, make it a priority to have your moments with people.  You never know when someone is going to be gone and you can't put a smile on their face anymore.  You never know how something little you do could change someone's life.  Just some thoughts!! :)  I think we all get too wrapped up in the little and forget to focus on the big, even if we've thought to before, there's just a lot of crap to wade through and distract us!! ;)

Take care guys :)
--L

PS:  I think the only time I mention I love songs on here, they're probably by Coldplay...but I really like their new song called Hymn For The Weekend.  It's beautiful!!!

Never Be Complacent Because You Are Afraid

Hi :)

I know I need to get back on here and write another blog when my facebook posts start getting longer and longer...The proof is in the pudding, I guess I have been feeling inspired lately.

So usually, when I DO write on here, I come with a rampant mission of topics to discuss, but today I'm just going to go with the flow.  I know I have a whole lot of things I could talk about, we'll see where my brain takes me.


Usually what starts me is things I am learning in my own life, so we'll start there.  What is the biggest thing I am learning lately?

I am not going to get a damn thing in my life/job unless I not only ask for it, but demand it, remind the people I'm asking, keep showing how great I am at whatever I'm doing, and don't back down.  The things I want are NOT going to be handed to me.  They are going to be given to the person who is demanding harder than I am.

There isn't going to be a change in my life unless I make it.  Life ain't no Cinderella story.  If I want something different, I have to earn it.  It's very annoying, but I'm pretty sure it's like this for most people.

There's always going to be more people who disagree with me or just don't understand me than people who are going to be on my side.  But that doesn't mean I'm wrong.  In fact most of the time, when I do have a conversation with people, they're either very impressed with what I have to say, or they're belligerent and their counterpoints, are so stupid that they only encourage me.  And sometimes, I am just plain wrong.  But being wrong about a couple things doesn't make you wrong about everything.  I think people are afraid to speak out because they are afraid of being wrong.  I love being wrong because it teaches me new things--I want to get my words as far out as possible because often, I am very wise and I think I can help people--and when I am wrong, I'm helping myself by learning.  I don't claim to know it all by speaking out about things that I have a solid logical argument behind.  I do claim to be proud of my own opinions, and I think that's important as long as you are using logic and self-improvement as your motivation, and not selfish reasons.

My life is just always going to be hard.  It's never been easy, it never will be easy.  All I can do now is laugh and realize that it is what I make of it.  I can act like everything's so horrible or really, I can appreciate the blessings I do have.  And sometimes, I can flamboyantly express the 'suckery' of it all, because every one of us is entitled to do that a few times a week.  But, at the same point, I'm not going to make a big deal out of small things by letting them take over my life.  Self-expression and depression are two different things.  Leading me to my next point--

People will always make a big deal out of little things.  Often, as a consequence, this blurs what the actual truth is for people who are just listening in on a conversation, and can cause the weak-minded to see things unclearly, which is why you must always try to listen to things objectively and form your own conclusions.  For instance, when I listen to someone vent about the behavior of someone else.  I can objectively watch this and, while, maybe I don't approve of the behavior of the person who is the subject of the discussion, in the same token, often this would never bother me enough to say anything about it.  To me it's like, you're behaving poorly and you need to improve--but unless you are TRULY hurting others, it's really not something for other people to get all fussy about.  And at my work, watching people get upset because things were left in places where they don't go--that's just hilarious.  It's amazing how things that don't matter can get blown out of proportion by the right people.  Or even when I'm bothered by something.  I've literally had to vocalize--"Hey--it bothers me, but it's not a big deal," because the person I was telling this to was acting like it was horrible that something small and trivial was bothering me (it was loud yelling at a football game, fyi).  When I told this person, who I love dearly that, they were simply like, "Oh," with an -oops- look on their face.  I just plugged my ears, grimaced, and moved on with my life.  Lol.

The title of my book will be, "Dear People, I May Be Annoyed But My Life Didn't End Because Someone Put Eggs In My Frittata."
Life is what it is and you get what you get, you're annoyed by what you're annoyed by, you don't like what you don't like, you go through what you go through and it's NOT a big deal.  Unless you make it that.

When I read over this, it's clear that the main focus of my life is not anything we're taught to focus on--it's self-improvement and the pure happiness that comes with that.  Push others and push yourself ONLY where it counts, and don't cause yourself anxiety by worrying about things that don't matter.  Speak your mind, learn, and you may be surprised by how right you are and how wrong other people are.  And if you are wrong, you may be surprised by how much you've learned and how glad you are for saying the wrong thing--because without doing that, you would never have been taught something new.  Live your life, say what you need to say.  Go where you need to go.  Never be complacent because you are afraid.